Recent Posts

41

Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by Vermilion on April 30, 2024, 04:56:44 PM »

That's essentially what my instructor said and why we agreed to do some 'intensive' lessons. I've actually been having lessons for a few months, since December, and the whole idea of 'intensive' lessons was to help overcome the anxiety. I've easily spent £1000 so far so I really, really hope it works. 
Part of the problem is that my usual 'stimming' things have to be suppressed when I'm driving (I can't just start clapping or rocking while driving, for instance). I could probably benefit from speaking to occupational health, someone there would probably know something that could help. I don't think medication would be an option though, the side effects would likely render me unable to drive..

Old CC didn't get back to me so I'll have to find another way to get help. I'm not taking it personally but I'm not sure how to get the help. I don't know if I'll be able to phone GP nor CMHT because I don't know what to say. I'll have to figure something out though. 

42

Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by Rob on April 30, 2024, 03:00:01 PM »

I think when you’re really anxious about something, like driving, it’s going to be something that reduces the more times you do it- that’s why you’ve paid all of this cash up front: to reach the point where you’re not as anxious and become confident instead. So keep doing exactly what you’re doing and eventually you’ll get through all of the lesson without feeling any more anxious than any other learner driver feels.

43

Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by Vermilion on April 30, 2024, 02:31:25 PM »

Thanks PB 

I feel exhausted, I'm just lying here doing nothing, and hating myself for it.

I've messaged old CC out of sheer desperation but she hasn't contacted me yet. It might not even be the right number so I might not hear anything at all.

I'm in two minds about karate class tonight, maybe it'll help but I might feel even worse. No one is forcing me to go nor stay so I can leave anytime I guess. There's only one session this week because the place where we train is being used as a polling station on Thursday, so it would be a shame to miss it.

I have another driving lesson tomorrow; I'm trying to go rather than cancel, what DBT calls 'opposite action'.   

44

Research Topics / Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity

« Last post by selfharm_and_identity on April 30, 2024, 02:25:42 PM »

Hi all!

Thanks to the admin team for letting me post on this forum.

About me: I'm a psychology researcher studying at the University of Oxford. I’m in the process of developing a study on self-harm and I would love to have some input on it from the people on this forum.

A little about the study: it aims to investigate the effect on wellbeing of seeing yourself as part of a community or group of people who self-harm. There are an increasing number of supportive communities and social groups centred around self-harm. Many of these communities are on social media sites, such as Instagram, Twitter or Tumblr. It's possible that some individuals involved in these communities may come to understand their identity partly through their membership of these social groups. My aim is to investigate whether having a social identity related to these kinds of groups could have positive effects, negative effects, or a combination of positive and negative effects.

Before going ahead with this study, however, I would really like to consult with some people or organisations with particular knowledge of this topic. In particular, I really want to ascertain whether the idea of a "self-harm community" or "self-harm identity" as described above is something which actually resonates with people who self-harm, or whether it is not really something which most people who self-harm would recognise. If it is something which is recognisable, then I am interested in seeing what the accurate term or term(s) for such a community would be.

If you have any kind of view on this topic, please feel free to reply to this post or DM me. Alternatively, if you'd like to have a more involved 1-to-1 conversation, please drop me a line and we can set up a chat. I'm able to pay a consultation fee of £15/hour for the latter option. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Best wishes,
Guan

45

Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by purplebutterfly on April 29, 2024, 11:35:27 AM »

Hearing you.
Can’t offer more, but hope an ear helps a bit.

46

Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by Vermilion on April 29, 2024, 10:16:08 AM »

So, I've managed about half of a driving lesson this morning before I got too overwhelmed and started to cry. Why I get so overwhelmed I don't know. It's frustrating when you need/want to do something and get irrationally upset, and it's b***** expensive too. I've paid upfront for about a month worth of intensive lessons purely to try and get over the anxiety which cost me £660. Then I'll need more lessons to actually drive properly. If I can't drive then I'm buggered since there aren't any jobs here and I can't afford the rent in the city and public transport is crap. Well, I talked about that in my last post so I won't bother repeating myself too much.

I've looked in to private counselling but I really can't afford it right now, everything is just so expensive. Uni only offers support related to studying, which isn't something I'm struggling with that much. I really don't know what to do. Not just regarding driving but my mental health in general. I know it's on the decline, and I'm trying so hard, but I really do need professional help.

47

Survivor Room / Pissed off and fed up.

« Last post by Vermilion on April 27, 2024, 02:28:10 PM »

Ostensibly, everything is great. Since DBT (about three years ago, I think) and some counselling for SA issues Iam, on the surface at least, doing very well. So lets start with the positives:

• I'm just completing my first module of my OU degree
• I've been in a great relationship for about a year and a half. It's going really well, and is a huge achievement for me as someone who could only manage FWB at best.
• I'm managing to go to karate classess. Again, a huge achievment from a social aspect. I could never have gone to a group of any sort prior to DBT)

 

Of course, theres's quite a lot that I'm struggling with too.

I've been referred back to the hospital because the VIN (pre cancerous cells on the vulva) may have come back. I was supposed to go for a review in September but my symptoms have been bad for a few months now so GP had it brought forward and it's next month instead. I'm scared shitless. There is the physical pain of the biopsy but also the emotional aspect. I've tried to explain it the doctor  but she doesn't seem to get it, I get that she looks/prods whatever at 1000's of vulvas but I bet she'd feel different if she was the patient. She never understands why I'm so anxious. Gee, I don't know doctor, maybe because your literally sticking a needle in my f**** and slicing it with a tool? Or because I'm naked from the waist down with everything exposed with a hospital gown that also exposes every scar that I have? Or perhaps because of the history of SA that I've repeatedly explained? It's like talking to a brick wall. So, just deal with it I guess.
There's another aspect to this too. The fact is that this affects my sex life too. I've worked b***** hard to get a 'normal' sex life back and it's like it's being taken away again. People always ask, "Is [my bloke] ok with that?". Yes, he is but I'm not and it's my sex life too. 

That's probably the main thing but I've been feeling a sort of mental decline over the past few months. I haven't had any contact with CMHT for months. They can't sort out a prescription never mind any actual help. I find myself resorting to mild forms of self harm but not to the extent that I used to; it mostly results red marks or bruises that last a few days rather than to the extent that requires A&E or b**n units. I just worry about things escalating and feel powerless to stop it. CMHT can't organise a p** up in the pub so they aren't an option. They may attempt to help if I put myself in hospital again, but I don't want to get that severe again.

I'm sick of being autistic too. It's making driving difficult and will likely cost me 1000's because of the difficulties I have that will take a long time to work around. The daily masking is exhausting and just makes me stay at home most of the time; at home I can wrap myeslf in blankets, clap my hands, hide under the bed, rock back and forth etc whereas in public I'm just seen as 'weird'. No one believes that I have autism because I don't look autistic and I also have a boyfriend. Oh, and I'm not Sheldon Cooper or Rainman so clearly can't be autistic...  So, I don't bother telling anyone these days unless its absolutely necessary, like my driving intructor for example.

I'm also frustrated at the lack of support to help get me into work. I've tried many organistations that just signpost me to other organisations. Even the one's who claim to support 'neurodivergent' people are either unhelpful or chronically underfunded. I'm genuinely frightened about the upcoming changes to benefits; I have no choice but to rely on them atm and if I take just any job I'll end up back where i was a few years ago. Don't get wron, I want to go back to work but how about some f*****g support instead of shoving me in to a job that I can't do? Locally, there are no jobs and I'm struggling to drive, and the bus/train service is unreliable and overwhelming for me anyway. It reinforces the beliefs that I've been feeling for a long time; that I'm a burden. Society doesn't want nor care about disabled people, especially when it comes to so-called invisible disabilities like autism or mental health. I frequently think that I should just end things and then I'll no longer be a burden. It's awful to know that society views us this way.

Sorry for the essay, but I have a habit of bottling things up and then letting it all out at once.

48

Survivor Room / Re: Biological self-harm. Another perspective of self-harm using sex to inflict.

« Last post by Vermilion on April 27, 2024, 01:19:03 PM »

Not sself harm as such but I've certainly done the risky behaviour by having 'dangerous' sex. I suppose that it was a mixture of motivations; believing that it was all I was good for (after SA), not caring what happened to me because I planned to die anyway, as a way of distracting myself from feelings that i didn't understand. The latter was, I suppose, due to a misguided belief that by having sex in a 'risky' way that those who assaulted me had no control anymore, but it was affecting me afterall. I guess that it was more of a self destructive behaviour rather than self harm, a distinction that can be blurry, but I do think it's slightly different.
It seems to be a very common behaviour amongst SA survivors.

10 years after that diagnosis,  I’m going through counselling to learn that what I did wasn’t wrong, it was just my coping strategy at the time for all the pain that ate at my core that I didn’t know how to process.

Absolutely. I feel like sexual behaviour is stigmatised more than other form of coping. If someone used alcohol to cope and had liver cirrhosis (sp?) they wouldn't made to feel the same shame and there would be less of the 'it's your own fault' mentality. I was fortunate enough not to contract anything and my current bloke is understanding, I figured that it's better to be honest about it and I made sure to get a sexual health screening and whatnot. That could easily have not been the case though. Honestly, I think that the stigma is, at least partly, down to (especially the British) society's prudish attitude towards sex in general which just makes things worse for people.

These things absoloutely need to be talked about more openly, so I'm glad this was posted. 

49

Research Topics / Exploring Young Adults' Experiences of Peer Support Networks

« Last post by CL on April 25, 2024, 10:51:19 AM »

Hi everyone!

This post, and research topic, may be triggering for some people. Please consider your wellbeing before choosing to read. It contains reference to suicidal thoughts and non-suicidal self-injury. If this may cause you distress, please navigate away from this post, and you might want to seek support if you feel this would be helpful. 

I'm Charlotte, a trainee clinical psychologist at Lancaster University, currently recruiting for my thesis project. I am recruiting jointly with another trainee, Sophie.

Our projects are exploring young adults' experiences of peer support networks for suicidal thoughts and non-suicidal self-injury (Sophie's project is focusing on suicidal thoughts, and mine is focusing on non-suicidal self-injury).
We understand that for many people these experiences can come alongside each other, which is why we decided to recruit together. You don't have to have experienced both to take part. We want to do this research to give a voice to young adults experiences, and help shape support in a meaningful way.

We would ask that you have experience of using peer support (receiving or providing) for suicidal thoughts and/or non-suicidal self-injury, are aged between 18 and 35 and are based in the UK to take part. You will be asked some questions about your experiences, either through an online survey, or an interview, whichever you would prefer.

Ethical approval has been granted for both projects from the Faculty of Health and Medicine Research Ethics Committee at Lancaster - Sophie's project approval code is FHM-2024-4024-RECR-3, and mine is FHM-2024-4009-RECR-4.

If you would like to find out a bit more information, the link to our information sheet is here. You can also continue to participate if this is something you choose to do after reading and consenting.
https://lancasteruni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5nxMne950xj2Kpg

For any questions, or to arrange an online interview if you'd prefer this, please feel free to email us at [email protected] or [email protected]

Hope you have a lovely day, and thank you for reading and contributing if you do so

 

50

Survivor Room / Biological self-harm. Another perspective of self-harm using sex to inflict.

« Last post by GlennUK on March 27, 2024, 06:44:27 PM »

 

As a male survivor of sexual abuse at the age of 15, that abuse caught up with me in my late 30s/40s and I began to have risky casual sex that ended up getting me repeatedly involved in high risk sexual activity that used recreational drugs and unprotected sex. In 2014, that chaotic behaviour left me diagnosed hiv+ve. 

10 years after that diagnosis,  I’m going through counselling to learn that what I did wasn’t wrong, it was just my coping strategy at the time for all the pain that ate at my core that I didn’t know how to process.

I’m now in a much safer and better place and so grateful to be here today.

It doesn’t matter how you self-harm, cutting oneself or biologically self-harming oneself, I believe we share a similar pain.

Whatever you’re going through and whatever your method, please believe you’re not alone and there’s love and light in the tunnel ahead.

Glenn x