Summer and scars

[meemaw]

Hey everyone

I've not posted here before, but hoping you might be able to help/share your experiences/how you handle this kind of situation.  

I last self harmed in 2008 and my forearms are pretty badly scarred from it, I hoped as the years went by the better they'd look but no such luck. They're big and white and stand out a mile, so I always wear long sleeves for work or a cardy; no problem in winter but right about now I end up sweating like a pig and getting questions from co-workers about why I've always got a cardigan on when it's summer.

I've just started a new second job working outdoors so it's much more difficult to pass my clothing off on office air conditioning!

After so many years I'd have hoped I could be a bit more upfront and not care so much, but I hate to think of people judging me or classing me as 'mental' because of my scars.

Oh what I'd give to turn the clock back! Or just have bigger cojones and not care what anyone thinks of me. Whichever!

[Vermilion]

If you want to cover up then you can get summer cardis or long sleeved blouses.  You can also get long sleeved tops with lace detail on the sleeves which are very cooling in the summer and still hide scars, I wear stuff like that and no one seems to notice my scars. If anyone questions you can just say that you're trying to avoid sunburn or that you have a birth mark that your self conscious about.

[meemaw]

Thanks Vermillion, will go clothes shopping at the weekend and look for some blouses. I've always covered up because I can't face the questions or the looks. I'm getting to the age now though where I think I should be able to handle it, but I'm ashamed of the scars basically, and scared of people judging me.

I went to a tai chi class a couple of years ago and we had to go in pairs to do some self-defence move (I didn't go back - I thought it'd just be the tai chi where people stand in lines and wave their arms about peacefully!) Anyway the guy I was paired with, his sleeve slipped up a bit and I saw he had scars on his wrist. My idiotic knee-jerk first thought was oh wow he must be nuts/suicidal, before my brain kicked in and was like err you have those too. So I can understand why people might automatically bracket me in the loopy pigeonhole. I just hate that it happens.

Is there anything that can be done to old scars to lessen their visibility? Creams or even ops? Or does the camouflage cream work? I thought about going to the Dr to see if there was anything they could do but I'm worried I might get laughed out - you did that to yourself you live with it - type of thing.

Every summer this same old issue comes around and I hate it. Thank god I live in the UK and only have to deal with it for a few months of the year

[unknown_member]

After years of hiding my scars I now don't give it a second thought.  It's very liberating to finally get over the fear of showing scars and opens up new experiences like swimming and exercise etc. 

I would say embrace them, you could start by wearing short sleeves around your house and garden, putting the bins out things like that, if your really nervous.  Then work your way up to popping to the shops or going places you don't know anyone.  No body has ever mentioned mine and although I haven't got too much scaring it is pretty obvious it's sh ...

I used silicone patches on my old scars which along with my freckles got rid of most of them completely.  And more recently I bought silicone gel which you apply every day, it's good stuff but is quite expensive.

I hope you can work through it and find in time it doesn't affect you anymore. Goodluck.

[schwinno]

I struggle with my scars too! I HAVE to be bare below the elbows at work so have no choice. Out of work I find its a real struggle in the summer,  I'm so conscious of them that I wear long sleeves or 3/4 to try and cover up the worst of them.

[meemaw]

Thanks for the replies, I'm going to start trying to be brave and start with small things in short sleeves like you said Jewel. Hopefully I'll work my way up to not giving a hoot what anyone else thinks about my arms! They're mine and they might not be pretty but at least I have them. Will look into that silicone stuff too, thanks.

Schwinno how do you find your work colleagues react, if they notice at all? I'm ok in short sleeves round my family because they know all about it, it's work and friends I'm mostly self-conscious around. A few years ago in my last job I was wearing 3/4 sleeves, and out of nowhere my boss (she sat at the desk next to mine) grabbed my arm and practically screamed "what's happened to your arm!" in front of everyone. I've also had a devoutly Catholic colleague notice them and tell me "we're all sinners".  Still not quite sure what she meant by that. People can be *ssholes sometimes. 

I never realised SH would be such a huge learning curve for me; from dealing with it in the first place to getting over it and then the feelings about what it's left behind.

[Susiepond]

I wear light shirts to cover my scars in summer especially if I'm with people I know as my scars are still quite red, I usually say I feel the the cold even when it's hot! But it seems to work. But but sometimes I have bare arms because I think people don't always look closely, I haven't had any bad responses as yet.

[schwinno]

Hi meemaw,

Sorry I've been away for a few days.
Work colleagues are a bit of a mix if I'm honest. I have some that appear to ignore the scars completely, and some that obviously have noticed and then talk behind my back.
With the ones who notice but talk about me behind my back, I think that they are too afraid to ask as they don't want to deal with me saying yes they are SH scars! Tbh there have been a couple of work colleagues who have asked me about the scars but also my friends and so I have found it easier to be honest and they are much more accepting.

[Bethy]

I literally came on here to write the exact same thing. I can completely relate: every single year I think maybe this year they'll have miraculously faded, or I'll suddenly adopt an 'I don't care' attitude and be open with it, yet every year it is another one of the countdown until the colder weather comes back around. It is hard to deal with and I really do empathise with you on it. I am dealing with it by basically wearing short sleeves at every opportunity that I am by myself, or on occasion when I am around strangers as generally the public are too busy getting on with their own lives to take any notice of you. That way it just feels like long sleeves is part of a work uniform, rather than something I am imposing on myself at all times. I don't know if that sort of approach would help at all. Sorry I don't really have any other suggestions - just wanted to say that I really relate right now.