Can you ever forget about it? *trig sh*

[pink fox]

Hi, haven't been here in a really long time! Found this forum such a support a few years ago when thing were really bad.

I've been SH free now for over 5 years. That whole time no meds, no psych, nothing - I thought I was finally free after so many years of depression, anxiety and SH. If you'd asked me 2 months ago, I would have told you I would never have a problem with it ever again - I never thought about it, I wore short sleeves and bared my scars and it didn't bother me. It seemed like history.

But then a couple of months ago it just started popping into my head again. Totally unexpected. I've been getting that familiar depressed feeling again, you know when you don't feel like you can move a muscle in your body. Not a lot, just every now and again, out of the blue. But mostly I've been really, really thinking about what it would be like to SH again, it's getting obsessive and starting to intrude on my life. Which is just so bizarre as my life has genuinely never been better, so many things are going well for me and going in the direction I want them to and I have been so happy!

That's not to say I'm going to do anything, I do feel like there is still a big jump to be taken between thinking about SH and actually doing it - especially after all this time, it would feel so significant a step to take. My other half would see straight away and I'm not going to do that to him. We weren't together when I used to do it and he has been amazing dealing with the scars but I just don't know how he would cope if I was actually doing it again. He has been through depression in the past so I feel able to tell him when I am feeling down but SH isn't something I've ever talked about to anyone who wasn't a MH professional and I don't think that's going to change now.

So my question is really, has anyone had anything similar? Got to the point where they'd been well for literally years, thought they'd cracked it, thought it was all over and done with just to have it turn up again out of the blue? Do you think it's possible to ever be free of it if you've been so dependent on it for years earlier in life?

PF xxx

[justine]

Maybe it's a sign your emotions/mood is going south and your memory associates that mood and certain behaviours.