Things are better but now food is on my mind *poss trig*

[faithful]

Sorry I have so many posts at the moment keep writing on here
I don't mean to annoy everyone and I don't want people to get fed up with me, sorry

But basically,  I am better than I have been in a few weeks and had a fairly ok day

However the past two days I have been comfort eating cr*p
The problem with me is that I don't do grey
I comfort eat or starve myself
At the moment I am comfort eating unhealthy food
and now I am desperate to lose weight again and get down to my lowest weight

I have gained so much weight and I am huge and i hate myself for it
It is given me SH and OD urges because i am angry with myself
and now I want to restrict again

I am not going to do anything tonight i don't think
I am not in crisis

I just feel like things with food are going downhill again and that triggers self harm thoughts and urges etc

Plus at the moment I am dizzy and weak a lot and if I start restricting that will get worse

I am seeing my CCO tomorrow morning so will talk to her then
I guess I just figured someone may have advice

sorry to bother you all
you're all great, thanks for letting me post and reading!

[Vermilion]

I'm pretty much the same as you, I go through terrible cycles of binge eating then starving. I have been forced to change this since I've been diagnosed with diabetes so hopefully I can help you with this.


My food problems are connected with a lot of underlying causes which, according to the psych nurse I talk to, are things like low self esteem and self hatred to name a few. Things are improving as I work on this so I'm wondering if you've spoken honestly to any professionals about this?

With the binge eating cycles I find exercise helps. It's a distraction and I also find that I don't want to eat since i don't want to b.urn all those calories just to eat them all again! I find that it helps with urges to restrict since I feel better about myself knowing that I'm doing something about my weight.

Last thing I'll suggest is to not keep any junk food in the house if you can't eat it in moderation and keep plenty of quick healthy food. I keep lots of veggies for stir fry pre chopped in the freezer so that it's quicker and easier for me to make a healthy stir fry than to go out and buy junk food.

I hope this helps. 

[faithful]

Thank you! This is helpful

I haven't really spoken to any professionals about it but I plan to speak to my CCO today and ttherapist Wednesday (speaking to my therapist will help me understand and work through it)

I tend to use exercise as compensation and for me it can also feed into restriction/ fasting which I would often do at least a certain amount of exercise with. But exercise is good for you and I do need a healthy relationship with exercise, so should exercise plenty rather than binging.

Yeah that is a good point, when I am not in the habit of binge eating  I don't tend to have junk food in. But when I am in a period of comfort eating I sort of subconsciously buy it (which I did when going shopping yesterday)
II will go back to Morrisons today and make sure to buy healthy food
When I am out and busy in the day I need to be more mindful about what I buy for lunch etc, as it's easy for me to buy unhealthy stuff

Thank you for your help
I hope you're doing well x

[faithful]

My CCO appointment has been cancelled as she is ill
I feel guilty as I booked a taxi and had to cancel it when it was already on the way
My appointment was supposed to be 8.45am so my taxi was booked for 8.30 and I got the message at 8.20 when it was on the way so I called to cancel but I feel awful for messing them around and now I am angry at myself and feel cr*p

I feel really bad
I may see if the company have an email address and send an apology email if they do

[faithful]

Seeing weight loss all over Facebook is really triggering me right now
It just emphasises how fat and pathetic i am
and now OD and SH urges are higher
I need to restrict and lose weight, all the fat I have gained
I am huge

[faithful]

Just come out of A&E after stitches
I am known as a regular and most staff know me, I feel guilty

A lovely doctor who I sent an email to PALS about as he is great, came to see me in the waiting room and again in minors, even though he wasn't treating me, just to see how I was and see if I wanted anything which was so nice of him. Little things go a long way. I may write again to the hospital thanking him.

[Vermilion]

I understand your feelings, a lot of the staff at my local a&e know me as a regular too but there's no need to feel guilty for getting stitches, the staff are there to help you. I'm glad  there's a nice doctor there to help you.

[faithful]

Thank you I appreciate your replies and reassurance x