Author Topic: no self harm allowed in therapy?  (Read 6781 times)

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Offline inmythirties

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no self harm allowed in therapy?
« on: October 17, 2014, 07:22:51 PM »
I am seeing a private therapist and this is a help now that I have been discharged completely by the NHS. But he is firm that if I self harm then he would end the therapy altogether. I am afraid to lose him so have stuck it out. I am though struggling to think that I can't ever sh again, even as a last resort.
Have other people come across this approach and has it worked for them?

Offline Sian-May

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2014, 11:13:22 AM »
I've not had any professionals say that to me but I think it's a bit harsh for them to terminate because of SH, surely if it happens it will make you not want to open up with them about it for fear of the sessions stopping. How do you think you'll manage? Can you try a different therapist? I have up until recently been seeing a private therapist because of the NHS's lack of support and she never told me I couldn't SH.
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Offline Reeta

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2014, 03:03:41 PM »
Some therapists have the 'no self harm rule' for many different reasons.
Some see it as if you still harming then you aren't ready for the therapy that they want to do with you, others see it as if the therapy is causing you to self harm then- directly or indirectly- they are causing you harm which goes against what they are trying to do with the therapy. Others see it as your aren't getting the best from the therapy if you are still using harming as a coping mechanism.

Best thing to do is talk to your therapist and ask why they don't want you to self harm and see if there is a middle ground that suits you both.

Honesty and talking about things you aren't comfortable with, with a therapist is only way to go otherwise the therapy itself is pointless I feel.

Offline inmythirties

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2014, 05:58:46 PM »
Thank you so much for both responses.
I have had to end therapy due to self harming for the first time in six months. I was completely honest and committed to therapy, but he said he wouldn't tolerate any self harm (not that I wasn't ready for therapy or the therapy was harming me, just that he thinks it is anti therapeutic, not a good thing to do). I feel a total failure and will have to look for someone else private. It was a bad way to end after so much time and money invested in therapy. I am very upset which is hard when the NHS won't see me and I have to keep my job or I'm stuffed.

Offline zelts

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2014, 10:40:00 PM »
remember methods he used that seemed effective for you to maybe talk about doing with your next therapist...

Offline scarlet ibis

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2014, 01:03:17 AM »
Hi IMT,
I'm sorry to hear that you have SH'd again and that you're sessions have ended.
Without knowing details it is difficult to say for sure but there is not an official line on harm/no harm whilst in therapy.
When you begin a programme of therapy it starts with a contract which in your case it appears included no SH.
This could be for a number of reasons which may well be to do with that particular therapist rather than yourself.
It is certainly a good thing that you have remained honest and I would encourage you to do so in the future.
I hope you continue to seek support and that you find someone who is willing to see you without a total ban on your coping mechanisms.
I'm sure that this would help you to abstain rather than causing you more pressure.
Honest from the start aND i WISH YOu all the best.
xxx

It's a sad man my friend who's livin ' in his own skin
And can't stand the company

Offline inmythirties

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2014, 06:46:37 AM »
Thank you so much for both replies again.
I have continued to SH due to the ending of therapy, I feel a failure and will miss the sessions with the psychotherapist. There wasn't a no SH rule from the outset but after about a year he made this boundary and stuck to it. Now I feel I have nothing to lose I am more likely to SH. I feel it's my fault and I don't deserve help. I am going to the GP surgery this morning but can't expect anyone to help.
I have started looking online for a different therapist but still will find it all painful and possibly futile to start all over again with someone new.
It is sad to end therapy after investing so much (thousands of pounds) and then it finishing on these terms.
I appreciate you writing as you have here as that's been a comfort particularly if it is about the therapist's approach rather than me completely to blame 

Offline hayley

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2014, 11:18:28 PM »
Its not unusual at all to be told no SH while in therapy. All TCs and mh rehab units have this rule too. Its never instant discharge but if continued it will be as it is felt that the person is not ready or stable enough for intense therapy. Also by allowing sh its not teaching the person to use the skills they've been taught in therapy and instead used their normal methods of coping (or not)
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Offline Hash

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2014, 07:18:58 PM »
maybe you could negotiate with him to say If you self harm that week then you won't be allowed to see him and if you dont you see him.

that is what I did

Offline inmythirties

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Re: no self harm allowed in therapy?
« Reply #9 on: November 25, 2014, 06:32:17 AM »
Dear Hash and Hayley
Thank you so much for your responses.
With the psychotherapist he was very firm that if I self harmed that would end the therapy altogether rather than him allowing any time out - he said any sh was untherapeutic and not safe for therapy to continue. I hadn't cut for six months so this was a disappointment but I've since had to accept it. I am accessing NHS mental health services short term seeing someone I used to know there. At first the team were ready to reject the GPs referral so I am surprised to be getting some input even though temporary. I will think about what next as it will have to be private counselling or therapy but could ask about their position on self harm.