Telling people your diagnosis

[Lily Kym]

We went to holland this weekend to see bf's family.

One morning they were all sat in the lounge, and I came down for some water.

His mum nodded at them all (brother, sister & his dad, as well as bf) and all four left the room. Leaving me with his mum.

She asked me to sit down and said "Bf has told me you have post traumatic stress problems and you have a personality disorder"

I just sat wishing the ground would open up and swallow me as no one irl knows other than bf.

I said yes and she said well I have ADHD and his brother has autism. I asked if they'd been diagnosed and she said no. She is a psychologist so she had self diagnosed herself and decided that's what bf's brother had.

While I say trying to process this information she told me that she can help me overcome this and that I don't need those silly pills I pop.

She got her notebook out and had questions written down.

I felt sick and said I'm sorry but I'm being referred to the complex needs team (then we had to google Dutch word for complex so that took a while). I said I'm not allowed to talk to another professional then I went upstairs.

Thing is:

A) do I now have to tell people as she will not be discreet amongst their very large very close family
B) should I of said anything to my dad today whom we saw?
C) do people tell anyone and if so, how and who!

Thank you

[behindthewall]

Oh Lily, how awkward! I actually think you handled it really well. B f really shouldn't have shared that with his Mum but, coming from a close family who share stuff perhaps it was automatic and given his Mums profession he may have been seeking more understanding, which is good in a way.

His mother, on the other hand, was innapropriate and demonstrated a real lack of understanding. To tell youu to stop taking meds was completely out of ordder and to suggest she could sort you out is really wrong. It is inappropriate for a family member and on top of that is the language barrier.

 You don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to, including your Dad. If they ask, saying you don't feel comfortable discussing it or have been advised not to is fine. It wouldn't be a bad idea either to let bf know you won't feel comfortable telling him stuff if he takes it straight to his family.
I don't tell anyone anything about my mh issues except bare minimum to hb and some to my sister. I wish I could share more though as it leaves me very isolated with my feelings.

 

[ickle_shellie]

That sounds horrible but again I think you handled it wonderfully.

I am going for my assessment in a couple of hours so I can't speak from experience but I have told a couple of 'close' friends and will tell them what the 100% verdict is (only a couple of people know I had this assessment). If I am assessed to have a personality disorder then I think I will definitely tell my management at work (as the general manager already threatened me with disciplinary action if I keep up with these 'mood swings') and I am considering leaving information for the rest of the staff to be asked to read whilst I am still off work this week so then those people will understand my 'mood swings' and be a bit sensitive towards what they say to me. I already told a supervisor I 'get on well' with that I started SH again and was being referred and a few days later he did some 'banter' which was a comment about my weight which triggered me (part of what caused the trouble at work) so I am not too sure whether letting people I work with a lot will help or not. As far as family are concerned I don't really want to tell them because I feel like they will blame themselves or treat me even worse, I think it depends on what they actually diagnose me with but if I do decide to tell them it will definitely be a lazy group facebook message (I hate face to face confrontation and talking to people about things) where I say 'This is what I have, read this website about it, don't ever ask questions about it I don't want to talk about it'.

Obviously it's up to you who you tell, if you think it will help in situations for people to understand what is going on then tell them, if you don't or don't feel comfortable then you don't have to tell them. Hope my plans help you in some way (sorry if it was just an annoying self centred rant). 

[Rob]

His mother, on the other hand, was inappropriate and demonstrated a real lack of understanding. To tell you to stop taking meds was completely out of order and to suggest she could sort you out is really wrong. It is inappropriate for a family member and on top of that is the language barrier.

 

+1

[Hash]

QUeen Lily,

AS others have said you handled that really well and your BF's mum was wrong to be so inappropriate with you.

I hope you didn't take her advise to stop your medication? and I agree with you when you said you should not talk to two professionals all at once about the whole thing.

I have a personality disorder and I have told everyone in my family and my husbands family and all my friends know. I have BPD and its hard sometimes to live with the diagnosis.

Hash

[pandapaws]

I think its your diagnosis and it should be your choice who you tell and when, not bf's. I personally think he was out of order telling his mum without discussing it with you first and gaining your permission.

I don't know how it works in Holland but here it is professionally unethical and irresponsible to tell you to stop taking your medication and that she has the magical solution. Neither can you self diagnose, or diagnose your family members. Diagnosing autism requires specialist training, and the use of specialised assessment tools. So she is talking out her arse. I have suspicians about traits that I might have based on my training, and I fill in on-line assessments but they DO NOT give a confirmed diagnosis.

Could you talk to your bf about who you want to disclose about your diagnosis and the need to gain your consent before he talks to people.

xxx