Outside *Anxiety*

[Lwona]

One of my biggest difficulties in the last few years (self harm and a few other things aside) is my inability to go out alone. The prospect of going outside, just the thought of it makes my heart stop. I love outside, but I hate it. The anxiety isn't worth the benefits at this point.

I want to change that. I want to stop having to rely on others to do things I want. I want to be able to walk to the local shop whenever I want to. I want to be able to leave the house when family members are annoying me and just walk off the anger. I want to stop sitting at home on the computer because there are no other safe coping mechanisms available to me.

So I guess what I want to know is if anyone has any advice for dealing with this sort of stuff? At the moment the only way I can go out is with someone else. At one point I was doing quite well, and could go out if I had a main purpose (going to appointments, college, meeting someone etc) and was able to use the bus. That's gone away and I can't remember how I managed it before.

Am I asking too much to want this? I mean isn't it a normal capability?

Sorry for ranting.

[Gerard]

What do you feel is going on here? Thought loops, stress, physical feelings of anxiety on top of that which make it overwhelming?

For me, not going out is largely fear driven, where fear = anxiety, combined with stubborn and repetitive thoughts.

Regarding visiting your local shop, could you break this down or maybe take it smaller steps? As in, do you know of times when the shop is less busy, or is that not the issue, but getting out the door is and once overcome the rest may follow?

[Hash]

I just wanted to say you are not alone in your struggle and need to stay inside.

Baby steps, really small steps and you'll get there but you need help. Agrophobia is a known problem and you will need the help of family friends and professionals to help you with your struggles.

Hash

[Lwona]

Thanks for the replies both

What do you feel is going on here? Thought loops, stress, physical feelings of anxiety on top of that which make it overwhelming?

It's hard to pinpoint, but the thought of stepping out the door - and knowing I'm doing it alone just creates this knot of tension in my chest. It's not a nice feeling, so to stop that feeling I just don't go out. I stress out a lot about going outside or having to go outside, even with people sometimes. I don't really know when it started or why, but it probably coincided with my mental health declining. There's also the added factor of my physical health. I am very unfit and I think that contributes a lot - both towards the worry of others mocking me and the fact that I physically can't run away. I can't drive, so if I am in a situation where I need to 'escape', I need to rely on others or public transport.

It is very fear based, the fear of the unknown I guess. I find myself feeling very paranoid about other individuals and what they are thinking, planning or saying. I feel they are targeting me. I am also very aware that if I am on my own and I start to have a panic attack or my mental health decreases again, that people will see me being 'mental', and without someone else there for support I worry about what I might do.

Regarding visiting your local shop, could you break this down or maybe take it smaller steps? As in, do you know of times when the shop is less busy, or is that not the issue, but getting out the door is and once overcome the rest may follow?

I think it's very much just about getting outside the door alone. It's good in some ways that when I have a goal/target to achieve outside, I'll do it as fast as possible to get back to 'safety'. Not sure if that makes sense, sorry...

Thank you Hash. I've never really thought of it as Agoraphobia, I guess I've always just blamed it on other factors. Maybe I should look into support more specific to Agoraphobia. Do you know if a GP could help with this? Or is it more specialised treatment?

Sorry, I'm not sure if any of this made sense. I appreciate the support and replies though, so thank you.