Hi, this is my first post.
I've been cutting since I was 14 and now I'm 18, and my cutting has reduced a lot and I'm really trying hard to stop for good.I see a counselor weakly which is helping, but it's baby steps. But I have lots of really visible scars on both forearms which are purply/red colour and some are quite raised, and I have white ones which are also visible. During the summer I really don't want to cover up with cardigans and long sleeve shirts because its uncomfortable and I have a low tolerance to heat too.
But I'm so scared people are going to judge me and call me 'attention seeker' and things like that, or I'll scare people away and make them feel sick or uncomfortable when they look at me. If they were fresh cuts I would never think of showing my arms but these scars are more than 2 years old but people will still judge me as if it was yesterday. For the past couple of summers I've caked my arms in foundation to reduce the horrible appearance but that gets all over my clothes and is expensive too for the good ones.
A part of me just wants to be free and accept the scars but then i'm so scared of the consequences. However it feels A LOT scarier 'exposing myself' to family rather than strangers in the street for example. But then i'm terrified about college too. I don't have many friends so I wouldn't have anyone to have my back if someone does confront me in a bad way.
I'm really angry at myself for doing this to my body. I don't blame anyone for being disgusted at me.
What should I do? anyone got similar experiences or can tell me about what happened with their scars? thanks in advance