This might be long...apologies in advance.
So here's a bit about me. I'm 30 years old, I have two lovely primary school-aged children. I split up with their dad just over two years ago, amicably, he sees them every weekend. Almost a year ago I completed a degree in primary education but I didn't secure a job to start September 2013 so I signed on for a bit whilst still job hunting. This turned out to be more difficult than I could ever have imagined, because I seem to exist in a childcare black hole - there is not one single childminder or out of school club that picks up from my children's school. So I always had in the back of my mind that I'd probably have to send them to another school if I did get a full time permanent teaching job, and I really didn't want to do that because they are doing so well and are happy at their school.
I did supply teaching on a special contract for a few months because the contract meant I was guaranteed to a certain amount of pay regardless of how much work there was. This worked well, sort of, because I could drop the kids off at 8 at the school's breakfast club then make a dash to a locallish school for the day, then make a dash back to pick them up from an after school activity at around 4. The uncertainty of not knowing where I was going from day to day wore me down though, and being happy smiley me for different people everyday was exhausting, and I had no sense of routine. Also the agency were getting more demanding about where I was going and were trying to send me further and further away, which I couldn't do and still be able to get to my kids in time. It came to a head about 3 weeks ago when the agency told me they couldn't keep me on the contract because they were getting grief from head office about me not going to these other places, and they couldn't guarantee my pay anymore. This meant I had to sign on again because as a single mother with a mortgage etc I can't rely on the odd day or half day here and there, and can't have no income for weeks on end in the holidays (when I was on the contract I was able to put money aside to tide us over in the holidays but without consistent work I can't do that).
So now I am faced with the reality that in order for me to be able to get any sort of decent, full time job I am going to have to move house. For a number of reasons, I won't see any equity from the sale of this house and am looking at renting somewhere near my family. Finding somewhere within the price range, that will accept housing benefit and pets, isn't going very well. I feel like I have all these plates spinning - need to sell house, need to find a house, will there be places at the local school, then worrying about the kids going to two different schools next year because one will be in the infant school and the other will be in the junior school and they've always been at the same place up til now, and worrying about finding a job amongst it all. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and have all the hard decisions made for me.
Add into the mix my deteriorating mental health, waiting for CBT to start, trying to get my medication right, and desperately trying not to
return keep returning to old ways of coping.
