Heading towards breaking point

[green_jaguar]

I'm really struggling with words right now, so sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense. I don't really know how to say what I want to say. Not sure I even know what it is I do want to say.
I have a 'tape' on loop in my head, saying over and over "I am a fat, ugly b***h". I feel worthless and pointless, and every kind of 'less' there is. Pretty pathetic too, feeling sorry for myself.
I have decided to cut down on my food intake, only having one meal a day. I feel like I don't deserve anything nice, like I need to be punished. So I have punished myself. When I SH it's not severe, little bits here and there. But it's steadily getting worse. And I feel like it's not enough anymore. I don't know where to go from here.

[katj]

Youre definitely not worthless! Can you try and do something to distract yourself - i find putting headphones on and playing loud music helps - it drowns out the negatives for a bit. Are you getting any help at all?

[greenday]

hi huni how r u feeling 

[Jeep]

I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment

Just try and remember that you are loved so much by your OH and kids. They definitely don't think your worthless.
I know everything seems so difficult at the moment, it will get better though. Sometimes I think we need to find the bottom, to then turn the corner and start to make our way back up to feeling better again. But, it is so difficult to remember being well. But, you will get there.

Has your CBT started? Please try and eat properly, it'll make you feel better so you can have enough energy to care for your kids. Let your OH prepare the meals if that helps. Just try and be kind to yourself. I know that's hard when all you can think about is punishing yourself. Try and break that self loathing cycle, but believe me, I know how hard it is, and I certainly don't have the answers.

Sorry for rambling. Please take care of yourself

 

[angeldevil123]

don't beat yourself up about it and try and eat something  else in the day as well so you don't pass out or get very sick. it's not good on your immune system either.