I'm really struggling with words right now, so sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense. I don't really know how to say what I want to say. Not sure I even know what it is I do want to say.
I have a 'tape' on loop in my head, saying over and over "I am a fat, ugly b***h". I feel worthless and pointless, and every kind of 'less' there is. Pretty pathetic too, feeling sorry for myself.
I have decided to cut down on my food intake, only having one meal a day. I feel like I don't deserve anything nice, like I need to be punished. So I have punished myself. When I SH it's not severe, little bits here and there. But it's steadily getting worse. And I feel like it's not enough anymore. I don't know where to go from here.