for the most part i have been ok

[babylon5]

ok i havent been here for couple months for the most part i have been ok coping well
apart from april and end of may in april it was my mums birthday which i forgot i have never forgotten it before in the past 10 years i was so upset that i HAD to harm i couldnt stop myselfi felt like i needd to be punshed for forgetting, then at the end of may it was the anniversary of her death (10 years) those of you who know me from my old threads know that i belive i killed her by telling her to f-off and die i AM slowly beliveing that i didnt the rational part of me knows that i didnt that cancer can happen to anyone, its just every year at the end of may the rational part of my brain dont work so the irational part takes over and i end up harming again,
i am trying to stop and fight the feelings as i am in a new relationship with someone i realy care about, i admit i do find myself thinking do i deserve to be this happy, thankfuly i dont think it much normanly if i feel a bit down i know i should be happy and i AM happy i love her so much,i suppsose that i am just scared that she may come to her sences one day and dump me like last one did

but other wise folks i am good havent stoped smiling in a week

[M]

dear bamby
i am glad you found someone new
i understand the guilt about your mum
but yes cancer can happen to anyone and its absolutely not your fault mum died
hugs
xx

[Lily Kym]

as bruisedreed said, cancer can happen to anyone hun. i'd said similar to my mum, a few years before she died.

i'm so happy for you that you've met someone hun xx and that you're feeling happy.
made me happy reading the last line of this post xx x

[babylon5]

thanks guys ( aint gonna give ya any cake though )

i know it isnt my fault taken me nearly ten years to drum it into my head its just the unreasonable side of my head that brings it to the fore everynow and again and i have to struggle again

[angeldevil123]

Cancer can happen to anyone it doesn't matter if they are are healthy or not, they could eat like pig, drink + smoke heavily or they could complete fitness and health freaks. I hope you enjoy spending a wonderful time with your girlfriend  she'll be the best person ever and will never ever dump you.

[Lily Kym]

( aint gonna give ya any cake though )

 

[babylon5]

( aint gonna give ya any cake though )

 

ohh ok lilly have some cake

i am doing better for now even though i forgot to refill my tabs which i will do monday,

[angeldevil123]

yes u will refill your tabs