another black dog day

[StrangeGirl]

I am sick of this, why can’t things go right for a change? Why can’t my stupid head hold it together enough to get through the sh** and manage my life better, I just keep hitting this brick wall, I can’t progress and I’m scared all the time of falling off the edge when I’m so damn close.

Rational me knows it’s all in my head, but also knows that I am not getting the support I need. If people could just stop dropping out on me that would be awesome. i know at the end of the day the only person who can get me through this is me, but I need stability sometimes. And with people constantly changing their minds and affecting my job/housing situation combined with being skint as hell all the time, I can’t do it alone. I’m afraid if I ask for the time off work to sort this, I will lose my job. I’m afraid if I don’t sort the housing things soon I will be left with nowhere to live. I’m afraid that I have £15 to feed myself and get myself to work until wednesday (if we get paid on time) and I am out of things like toothpaste and soap.

Plus i desperately need to go to my doctor and sort my meds/head situation, but I haven’t got time to take off. I don’t know how to ask for time off for this at work, I was having an ibs attack at work the other day and couldn’t bring myself to ask to go home, so I stuck it out. Same as I did last week after I had to call the CMHT in because I was in a mess and I had to work a full shift the next day, just spent the whole day feeling numb and exhausted. Still haven't properly come back to earth.

I keep trying to speak to my parents about some of this stuff but they’re working or don’t answer the phone. Same with friends. I just feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall and I can’t move forward but I desperately need to.

[Broken Wings]

Hi really sorry you feel this way,not sure what to say,but wanted you to know i heard you and i hope you get the support and understanding you so clearly need..

If you need to take time out from work to attend appts or just for head space TRY to take that time,easier said than done i know,but a well you = a good worker not that your not now,if you know what i mean.


Really hope everything sorts itself out for you hunni xx

Take care  xx

[StrangeGirl]

At work now, feel horrible, I think I need to take some time off, just a couple of days so I can see my dr tomorrow afternoon and find a way to move forward, this mood is definitely having an effect on my performance at work and my personal life at the moment. And I feel physically sick and achey so much of the time which I know is a result of the depression. I just don't know how to approach my manager about it. He did take some time off himself or mh reasons earlier this yeah, and I'd only be taking a few days so I can gather myself. I just feel so embarrassed about it, like I'm trying to sneak time off when I know realistically I need the time to recover a bit. Just need to let myself heal a bit I think.

[Broken Wings]

Hi does work know about your mh problems?
If not could you lie,say you've a cold/upset stomach/migrane even

It is hard though to ask for time off but if you need to take time pls do.

There is nothing to ashamed about hunni, 1 in 4 people will at some point experience some sort of mh problem. If you broke your leg you'd need time off could you look at it like that?

Take care  xx

[StrangeGirl]

The funny thing is I've been in work with all those things, I'd probably try to go in to work with a broken leg, I'm really bad at taking time off, I have been sent home before because I came in with flu. So taking time off for mh reasons seems like taking liberties.
I've asked my manager if we can have a talk tomorrow morning, with the plan of going to see the emergency dr as soon as I can to get a drs note if necessary. I have mentioned that I'm
On medication before so they know there are issues for me, but I've not taken time off for it before. Just worried it'll affect my job, I can't afford to lose hours ATM and its very competitive right now. I guess I'll have to wait and see tommorrow :/

[Broken Wings]

Oh ok you sound just like me,i'd crawl into work when unwell.

Hope all goes well with manager and you get a gp appointment....you deserve to be well xx


Take care hunni xx