I promised *sh/sui*

[Faded~Lady]

Never been so relieved to get home

[Faded~Lady]

Slept for ten hours but still exhausted.  Ear really hurts.  I'm moody

[Faded~Lady]

Proper panicky tonight racing heart but don't wanna keep using diazepam

[Lily Kym]

is there anything u can do calm down cuz?
deep breathing (or does that make it worse)?
body scans ..? anything like that?

[Faded~Lady]

Tried.  My leg keeps trembling.  Haven't harmed in nearly a month and I feel I need to so bad but I lnow if I do I will have to lie to dr f.  Ah I dunno

[Lily Kym]

Nearly a month, is amazing cuz. It truely is and i'm very proud of you. Dr F will be too. xx xx xx xx
I know it's been hard, and i know you've not harmed because of the surprise home visit etc ... but im glad it's helping you to stop.

How is your ear? Still painful?
does anything at all relieve the pain for you?? xx xx xx

[Faded~Lady]

Not really I've got codeine for my back but it doesn't help my ear.  I keep getting tools out and looking at them and, forgive me,getting excited.  How can I say that to dr f? She will be disappointed and probably tell the useless team and I don't want that nasty consultant in.my home again.  Also I told dr f I disposed of tools

Am such a lying idiot.  Mental pain kills me physical pain I can deal with.  Damn it. 

[Lily Kym]

well ... the lie was a knee jerk reaction to having them in your home.
i can understand why you lied. totally.
you're being very hard on yourself, without reason.
yes you told dr f a SMALL lie .. but you've not cut. that's the important thing.

xx xx

[Faded~Lady]

But what if I can't stop myself?? If it happens again I can't go miu.  They always write to gp

[Lily Kym]

if it happens again, and you can't stop the bleeding, as before, you must go the MIU cuz xx
i know they write to your gp. xxx xxx