Author Topic: life and time is running out  (Read 4415 times)

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Offline Spanna

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life and time is running out
« on: May 30, 2012, 10:53:16 PM »
Title of the post says it all. I've had enough, enough of everything. My doctor told me to keep a diary of my mood (which I've not done) because I'd only just come off anti-depressants. I feel I need to let her know how I'm feeling but she will want me back on the psychiatric team and they're useless and don't care. Besides I can't see anyone like that because my parents will then know and they don't agree even though I only live with them sometimes. Is there not anyone I can see who can visit me because of my.social anxieties? I don't want to be finding these places there are horrid people out there and he may be there also. I just want a safe option.
Life is a mess. Almost a 3rd of my life has been ruined by mental illness and the only person who's been through every bit with me is Samaritans, then various counselors. I don't want to go into hospital, I've heard horrid things about how people are treated in there and my family would be ashamed.
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Offline Spanna

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2012, 10:47:00 AM »
I think it's time to take some time away from this forum because I don't think it's doing me much good. I feel like no one talks to me and no one listens. Maybe it's me being paranoid I don't know but I know I can't take it. There's no point in being on this forum if I'm going to talk to myself, I'm sorry, but that's how it feels to me.
There are people on here who get support from the same people time after time, but the 'supporters' seem to ignore the people they don't know. It's heartbreaking to feel like this, it's tiresome and it's like you're being ripped apart inside.
Like a lot of people on here I have my own problems, some of which other people have gone through too, some maybe haven't, but I've never said any of them really because of the reasons I've mentioned above.
I'm going by the principle of no one cares so there's no point in being here anymore, it's not at all easy feeling like this, it's like a huge weight on my shoulders all the time, the weight being that everyone who sees and meets me just wants me dead, they don't want me here. In all honesty though I don't want to be here anymore either and as soon as everything is sorted I will be dead.
Samaritans 08457 909090

 :sheep: < one day the skipping sheep will get on Britain's Got Talent :D

Can you imagine that I am sitting next to you, giving you a hug?  I am sending good thoughts your way. 

Offline Broken Wings

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2012, 11:15:06 AM »
Really sorry you feel that way... Sometimes I know for me its hard to know how to reply...

I don't have many words at the moment,but didn't want to ignore..

Try to take care hugs xxx
Sometimes we don't need advice
We just need someone to listen

Offline Spanna

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2012, 12:18:41 PM »
No one understands me I feel so alone a lot of the time. If I told people how I felt I'd be put in hospital and I don't want that. I have to keep quiet. Must keep mouth shut.
Samaritans 08457 909090

 :sheep: < one day the skipping sheep will get on Britain's Got Talent :D

Can you imagine that I am sitting next to you, giving you a hug?  I am sending good thoughts your way. 

Offline Bea

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2012, 12:20:13 PM »
It is very sad that you are feeling so low.  The forum goes through peaks and troughs, lots of people posting, then no one being around at all.  If you want support on here, you do need to be a little bit patient & not take it personally if you don't get replies straight away.


Why would your parents have to know if you were under the CMHT?  If you are feeling this low you need to speak to your GP.  If medication makes a good difference to your mood, then would you consider going back on them?  

Let people help you, it doesn't always have to be like this  :hug1:
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Offline Spanna

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2012, 12:25:55 PM »
My parents know I'm in counselling but they don't agree, hence why I'm not telling them my current counsellor is leaving because they'll be happy I'm in their hands now. Stipid, stupid me!! I'm not going back on meds there's no chance, my old psych freaked me out telling me I'd be on them my whole life. No way! Not having that! I'm a failure, big failure! Don't deserve life.
Samaritans 08457 909090

 :sheep: < one day the skipping sheep will get on Britain's Got Talent :D

Can you imagine that I am sitting next to you, giving you a hug?  I am sending good thoughts your way. 

Offline unknown_member

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2012, 03:03:11 PM »
hey... sorry your previous psych said that... no-one can predict that... i definitely think it's worth considering, if it doesn't work you can easily come off them, no-one will be forcing you to be on them for life... you can just stop taking them... most AD have little or no side effects at all now.. i haven't had any with the last two i've been on ... and i don't know where i'd be without them... they might just help you in this difficult time...?

your not a failure hun, just struggling at the moment, there's a big difference.. xx keep talking xx
Anxiety Girl!! Able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound..

Offline Spanna

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2012, 04:20:33 PM »
I phones the psych team this morning and they're supposed to be phoning me back but haven't done so yet. Maybe they've had enough of me. I should have phoned Samaritans this morning when I had the chance. Stupid spanna!! I've been on 3 dif. ADs and they didn't help a lot and pysch said they'd shove me on highest possible next time. The highest?!?! I'm going insane aren't I? I can't live with all this crap going on and what's happened in the future. My future holds nothing.
Samaritans 08457 909090

 :sheep: < one day the skipping sheep will get on Britain's Got Talent :D

Can you imagine that I am sitting next to you, giving you a hug?  I am sending good thoughts your way. 

Offline unknown_member

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2012, 04:35:41 PM »
sorry they haven't phoned you back hun... it won't be because they've had enough of you tho.. i'm sure they're just busy or have mis laid your message, could you maybe phone them again just to check?  Did you phone to speak to someone in particular?

why can't you phone the samaritans now?  if you don't mind me asking...

O right...your psych doesn't sound very helpful to me... is that the only psych there or could you ask to see another one?! xxx
Anxiety Girl!! Able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound..

Offline Spanna

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Re: life and time is running out
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2012, 06:16:31 PM »
They're useless at the local mental health team, totally useless, they never do what they say they're going to do. I phoned them because they keep sending me letters saying I have appointments when I clearly said to them last year that I didn't want to come back to them again because they were so inconsistent (never saw the same person, so was getting nowhere). I phoned today to say again that I didn't want their letters and I stated why, and they asked if I'd like the permanent (this is a first!) psychs secretary to contact me, so I said OK.

I couldn't phone Samaritans because I was on my way home and was on a public bus, last time I phoned the Samaritans on the bus a guy sitting in front of me kept turning round and whispering things to his wife.
Samaritans 08457 909090

 :sheep: < one day the skipping sheep will get on Britain's Got Talent :D

Can you imagine that I am sitting next to you, giving you a hug?  I am sending good thoughts your way.