I've just read through this thread and it seems to me that you're a lot stronger than you think, you seem to recognize what you need to do, and what's likely to make you feel better, and that's a big positive. You really should give yourself some credit. I've read some of your posts before but haven't really quite known what to say, you do seem to have been through a lot of turmoil but you need to try and think how far you've come and what you've achieved in life. You seem incredibly brave to me, you've battled on despite your worried and troubles and you should be proud of yourself for coming so far.
You've been to your doctor and seen the nurse today and that's great, they seemed very supportive and I'm pleased to hear that you feel the appointments went well. I hope this gives you reassurance that if you feel low again their support is there for you.