I am tired of fighting the battle of depression and self harm on a daily basis, I had a replacement heart valve in February and haven't been able to sh since as i am on warfarin,and the risk of bacterial endocarditis. last Wednesday I had a crisis but I got through it, but daily since I have been struggling with the urges, tomorrow I have a day on my own and haven't got any plans but can't go anywhere as I am waiting for some recorded delivery post. I have asked friends via facebook if anyone is free, but I don't want people to feel obligated to 'baby sit' me. I already feel that I am headed for a melt down, I can't tell my daughter as she worries about me anyway, stephen (hubby) is also already worried, and to be honest so am I. I really don't know what to do, sh was my coping strategy and now I can't use it. I know it shouldn't be one to use but have been doing it for over 20 years, I feel lost. Before when I have tried to stop, the sh urges turned into su urges, and then I had a choice. I know there is nothing anyone can do for me and it's so frustrating. Sorry to rant.