hello everyone im new and worried about my son :/

[Patti43]

Hello everyone,im new on here as i am seeking help about my 18 year old son who is self harming.
I first discovered by accident last year when he was 17 that he was self harming,he happened to be coming out of the shower while i was coming out of our bedroom,he had a bunch of scratches on his upper arm,i asked how he got them and he said a few excuses that he caught it on something etc...... but i knew somehow he had done it himself, it was a huge shock as then i did not really understand SH at all and eventually later i talked to him and he admitted he had done it to himself,we had a bit of a chat, he was not too talkative and reading between the lines he was having difficulty coping with a fall out with a friend and he admitted he does not like to get angry and he gets upset when him and his friends have fall outs.

I didnt get much more out of him,he did though let me treat his scratches with antiseptic skin healing cream,after this it took me a while to get over the shock and all i could do was worry about him a lot,although after this he seemed completely happy and i did say that if anytime he wanted to talk i was here for him,and he can talk about anything he wants to.I left it at this and started to read up on SH on this site and others,it was a while before i discovered he had done it again, this time after a fall out with a very close friend of his,this time we chatted about visiting our GP which he agreed to,he had a few visits to the GP who wanted him to go to see a counsellor but he refused this as he feels he does not want to go.We had a talk and i must admit i wanted him to go but he refuses, so i didnt want to push any more,im constantly worried about him though,everything with him seemed fine for a while until last week when i came across some blood in the bathroom, not a lot but i asked if he was ok and he said he had a nosebleed,well i had to ask if he has SH again and he said no he has not but he has started to wear long sleeves a lot more than he used to in the house, so i think its happened again,i asked if i could see his arms and he wont so i gave him a tube of antiseptic skin cream this time i have left him to it and im pretty sure he has used the cream so i think it has definetly happened again.

I have been on here and printed info out for us as parents and for him but i dont think he has looked at his,i am of course worrying again and he has clammed up again  so i do not want to push him, ive hugged him and said that we are there for him, but i feel helpless at what else to do and i cannot help worrying about him and to what to do next,i understand that you cannot push them into anything he does not want to do but standing by we feel so helpless.

I would be grateful for any advice maybe anyone can offer who has gone through the same thing,many many thanks if anyone can help

[ange]

Hi. I think you are doing everything you can. Re-assuring him that you're there for him if he needs to talk and being patient is pretty much all you can do at the moment. I know it's frustrating but you can't make him talk or go for counselling if he doesn't want to. I found out in February that my 14 year old was self harming. He still hasn't opened up about why he does this but he has said that he will when he's ready. So, I know how hard it is trying to be patient and how helpless you feel. I try to make sure that we have some time every day when it's just the two of us, so if he wants to talk he can.
That's probably not much help, but hang on in there, you are not on your own. x 

[greenday]

hi im a sh harmer and i under stand your sons situation and dont be worried just be paitont and try to not think it in a bad way 

[Patti43]

Hi,thank you so much for your replies i appreciate the time you have doing so .
Ive read some other posts also,so i understand now to be patient and as you say i do feel helpless and worried,im starting understand SH,in between episodes he seems happy enough and i know you never know deep down,he knows im there for him when he is ready,i know you cant force them into anything.

Ive always told both my kids i would never force them into anything they didnt want to do,i would not like that myself.i hope he knows we love him and we offer our full support in his own time,i think he does,last thing we want to do is alienate him.

Thanks once again guys for the support,it means a lot.

Take care xx

[greenday]

ya thats great keep positive

[Patti43]

Thanks Green Day  take care x

[greenday]

thanks for the huge how r u today

[Patti43]

Your welcome ,
Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to reply to me.
Im ok today,my son seems okay at the moment,i ask everyday "how are you son?" and he says fine thanks mam,so ive stepped well back and we will go from there,i think ive handle the SH better this time than the few last times as it was hard to deal with how i felt all about it.

But one day at a time.

How are you today ? Hope you are doing okay.
Take care x

[greenday]

ya im doing ok ya but if your son says hes fine that means thats not the truth like some times my parents say how r u to me i say fine and they get realy woryed so try to see if hes realy ok but ya thats great your doing well keep up the good work

[bluejon91]

your doing an excellent job being supportive and assuring and basically being therefore him. The good thing is your not pushing him into doing anything he doesn't want to do I say keep this attitude up he knows your there for him