bad thoughts *trig Sui*

[Broken Wings]

Good to hear you've managed to stay up all day even with little sleep,hope you sleep good tonight.
Cuddles are good,i'm doing the same guniea power xx

[terrified heart]

Thanks Hun. Guinea cuddles are great aren't they 

Slept all night last night out of sheer exhaustion still felt tired when I woke up. Managed to make it to anxiety management group, was 5 mins late but still got there. Group went well. Realised I am much less anxious than some people, but guess I still have an issue with it. My GAD score was pretty low.

Saw my psych today. We talked about last weeks crisis and we think it stemmed from the psychology session I had a couple of weeks ago which stirred up some painful feelings. Psych said I did all the right things reaching out for help etc. been told to expect to be unstable for a while during the next few weeks because of the psychotherapy. I asked if my oral AP could be stopped as I don't think I need it while I'm on the depot but he said no not until things are consistently stable. Not allowed to drop down a dose of the depot either. All medication stayed the same except I have been given zopiclone again instead of Valium to help me sleep. One bit of good news is that I should be able to switch to a different depot which is monthly instead of fortnightly.

[greenday]

hay im here for u dont give up ok  lots of huges

[terrified heart]

Thanks xx

Things actually going quite well. Have managed to get into a good routine last few days. Getting to sleep early, waking up early and most importantly getting up early and not going back to bed in the day. It's hard in the mornings, but mid afternoon and evening I really feel the benefits. Think the nice weather is helping as I love the sun.

Mood seems to have lifted a lot. Haven't had any suicidal thoughts this week and have generally been more positive about things.

Thank you to everyone who helped me through the last few weeks 
Xx

[Terrier]

Really pleased things are going well for you, hope it continues for a long time. 

 

[Jewel]

that's really great hun... so pleased for you.. i hope it continues

[terrified heart]

So...

Last week things were good. I felt a lot better more positive. Routine was going well, was getting up early and not sleeping in the day. All good.

Then this weekend things gone to pot. Sleep is crap. Sleeping in the day and not at night. Suicidal thoughts are back. Im at mums tonight and cant get to sleep. Im laying in the dark thinking of which way to choose to end my life. I want to harm myself but still have 3 weeks of swimming lessons left so cant. I feel like a total failure. I feel that i mess everything up, dont achieve anything and never will.

When it comes down to it I just dont want to be alive. I dont belong in this world and living is too painful. I want to end my life, but feel a lot of guilt about the pain that would cause my family.

[Nightowl]

Sorry things are hard again TH 

How long are you at your mum's for?  Does she have any idea what you're feeling?

Keep talking to us sweetheart 

[greenday]

hay dont feel down try to be positive like what happend last week to make u happyer try to do the same 

[terrified heart]

Thanks for replying xx

Don't feel quite as bad now it's not the middle of the night. Got a couple of hours sleep and got up early. Haven't been able to resist sleeping today though, just don't want to be awake.

Was only at mums last night, I'm back home now. No she doesn't know how I'm feeling, dont want to worry her.

Got anxiety group tomorrow, then depot clinic, then seeing support worker. Pleased to have plans. Long weekend has been hard to cope with.

Just feel really unhappy and worn down.