bad thoughts *trig Sui*

[Terrier]

Hope you sleep better tongiht, weekend sounds good. Take care. 

 

[terrified heart]

Thanks terrier xx

Just remembered I had a phone call from CPN this morning when I was still half asleep. She has spoken to HTT and let them know I am struggling and might need support over weekend. Had forgotten that. Was good of her to ring as she isn't working in the community today. I'm greatful for that.

Hope I sleep well too, but really don't think I will.
Xx

[terrified heart]

So, Fri night I actually slept really well. Pretty much from midnight to midday Sat. Was so lovely and woke up feeling much less sad. Phoned step bro in the afternoon and he came and picked me up and took me to his. Stayed for dinner then we all went to a local pub for the evening. Didn't get drunk or anything, just had a wine and diet cokes. Last night didn't sleep at all, well eventually got off sometime after 5am this morning. Didn't spend the night fretting tho, just read a book and time seemed to go quite fast.

Slept until 10am this morning then made myself get up (which is an achievement at the moment). Mum came round at lunchtime and brought me a couple of presents from her holiday and stayed for a cuppa. Have spent the rest of today on the sofa and have had a nap, which I probably shouldn't have.

Generally feeling a bit brighter at the mo. Would be the case now I have a lot of support set up for next week. Oh well just glad I'm not feeling so depressed. Got work 11-3 tomorrow then psychologist at 4.

[Terrier]

Really pleased you've had a good weekend so far, you deserve it after struggling recently.

Long may it last. 

 

[is_it_true]

hey, sorry i havent been around. been sturggling myself.
just been reading through your posts and i have to say it sounds like you are making real progress,even if you dont feel like it.
you have been asking for help when you need it and geting it. sounds as if you have been fighting a really low mood and you have held of s/h, thats brilliant. shows true inner strength.

sleep sounds rubbish,it really mucks about with your emotiona wellbeing doesnt it. i hope that settles for you soon.

how r u doing now?

[terrified heart]

Thanks for your kind words xx

Saw the psychologist today, ended up having a joint meeting with him and CPN because I worried everyone last week. We had to talk about what led to crisis point and what we need to be doing to prevent it. It was pretty usefull but very hard because we had to talk in depth about the suicidal thoughts. They said they are concerned because there seems to be no way of predicting my moods and actions. Like last November when I'd had a good day with family and friends then came home and made a serious attempt to end my life.

We talked about my sleep pattern and how messed up it is. Not sleeping at night then sleeping in the day. I've agreed to try my best to stick to a routine and psychologist and CPN are going to work on motivation skills so I am motivated to get up in the mornings.

CPN coming round tomorrow morning and we are going to work on my care plan, and a copy is going to be given to cmht (so duty workers can access it), HTT and crisis. So anyone i ring day or night knows what my crisis plan is. CPN also said their main aim is to keep me safe but also to avoid hospital so I need to not be afraid of telling them how I feel in case of admission (but they also stressed they couldn't promise no hospital if I got really Ill).

[Jewel]

sounds like you have alot to take in at the moment hun xxx

i think getting into a good sleep routine will really help, hope they can come up with a plan for you to help keep you motivated... xxx

glad you get to see your CPN tomorrow morning; i've found care plans quite helpful in the past so hope it works for you xx

i think anyone who has been admitted in the past, fears telling people their real thoughts for fear of re-admission but at the end of the day people are only trying to keep you safe.. xxx

[terrified heart]

  thanks BG. Everything you said makes sense xx

Motivation is a huge problem for me. Its a mix of things like depression, negative symptoms from the schoz and anxiety (and to be truthful probably plain laziness). Working on motivation will be really positive for me. CPN and psychologist both said i gave them some insight into whats happening in my head today and said they feel they have more of an idea how to help.
Xx

[jstcantstop]

you're doing really well hun xxx

[terrified heart]

Thank you. Xx

Got up this morning at 7.30 and haven't been back to bed today. Pretty good going considering I didn't go to sleep until gone 4am. Think I've got through today on adrenaline, been in a kind of manic can't stop moving can't stop thinking can't stop talking state. Just hoping I sleep tonight.

Saw CPN for quite a while this morning. We did the care plan and it was helpful. Talked a lot about early warning signs and what I want to happen if I start seeing any of the signs or in an emergency. Was quite hard talking about the early warning signs as it brings up memories of being unwell which I'd rather forget.

Just having cuddles with my guinea 
Xx