Sorry for rambling so much. I know my posts are confusing, my head is confusing too.
BG, can't really say what it is I'm searching for answers to, I can't find a coherent way of expressing it, and I just make myself look crazy when I do. I'm not crazy, I'm really not
I'm just confused, puzzled, frustrated and scared.
Just had a really long appointment with CPN. Have cried loads. Told her I was thinking of not seeing psychologist again. She said I should try to stick with it. Apparently he is really in demand and his waiting list is 2 years, but I only waited a few months. Asked why it was so quick and she said they pushed it through as they feel I'm at real risk of dying from suicide
It's hard to hear. I do feel at risk of killing myself sometimes. CPN said they are worried because I did not reach out for help in November and was 100% certain I wanted to die so didn't want to be stopped. She said because I was acting fine just before I didn't they now have to tread carefully so as not to push me over the edge.
Only slept for 2 hours last night, because I was too distressed by my thoughts to settle. Have a GP appointment on Thursday to ask for some more Valium, and going to ask for the dose to be increased as I'm really not coping at the moment?
Can't stop crying. Feel so vulnerable.