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Author Topic: bad thoughts *trig Sui*  (Read 4658 times)
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terrified heart
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« on: April 22, 2012, 01:34:18 AM »

Having some really graphic suicidal thoughts. Not going to act on them tonight, but it is feeling inevitable that I will sometime. Thoughts are hard to sit with and are making me very agitated. Can't sleep and feeling sh*ty.

Keep thinking the money I've been saving for my masters could be used for my funeral.

Thoughts so graphic. Its like its actually happening now.

Going to take a valium see if that helps.
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terrified heart
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« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2012, 03:11:45 AM »

Having a terrible night with restless legs and agitation. Feel like repeatedly stabbing myself in the legs, or setting them on fire, or getting them amputated.

Feel like screaming, but am at mums house and don't want to wake everyone up.

Birthday on Monday. Don't want to be here for it. Why bother with another year. Had my fill.

Legs driving me crazy. Can't wait for morning.
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greenday
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« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2012, 08:11:37 AM »

hay tack a deep breath and say to your self every thing is going to be all right ok good luck keep safe
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Terrier
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« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2012, 09:16:43 AM »

Hope you managed to get some sleep. Is there anyone you can talk to about the thoughts you are having?  littlehug1

 runningdog
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« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2012, 09:49:25 AM »

hay how r u today
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findingmyway
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« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2012, 11:48:06 AM »

Hi lovely,

Im sorry you had such a difficult night, how are you feeling this morning??

Can you talk to your SW about these thoughts? xxx
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24th April - I can't pm so I hope everyone that has supported me can see this.

Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it. I am leaving the forum, didnt want to go without saying anything.

Please, all keep as safe as you can.

I will be thinking of you x littlehug1 :hug
PrettyLittleLie
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« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2012, 02:43:19 PM »

Sounds like a really hard night  Sad ((hugs))

The feeling of it being inevitable is something I have felt a lot recently also... however people keep telling me although it is one option to die, it is not a good one, and not the only one. As there are other options, it is therefore not inevitable... it is not the only option and there are ways out of the thoughts without the use of suicide.

How are you feeling today?

Please try and stay safe and keep posting (hug)
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- Ellie
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« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2012, 04:35:26 PM »

Sorry about posts last night, was in a bad place. Thanks to those who have replied. Xx

SW has gone now, have a CPN instead. Will try talking to her this week. Should see her on Weds as I have to go to depot clinic and she sometimes gives the injection.

I think the appointments with the psychologist have brought suicide up to the front of my mind as last week we were exploring my suicidal thoughts. I don't know if I am doing the right thing seeing the psychologist. It is supposed to help me cope with my thoughts, but at the moment I'm just thinking about bad things more and more.

Need to speak to someone about the restless legs. Valium was helping to a point up until last night. Maybe it'll help again tonight, who knows.

Thanks xx
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« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2012, 02:12:41 AM »

Having a hard night again. Being flooded with memories from my teenage years. Not nice memories. Drinking solvent abuse, SH, suicide attempts, hallucinations, delusions. Its like watching it all on a video.

Have had a good day today too. Was my birthday. I swam for the first time without a float. I hoped this year was going to be a better one, now Im not so sure.

Cant sleep and stuck ruminating over bad thoughts and bad memories
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one way or another it is possible to succeed


« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2012, 03:43:47 AM »

 balloons party birthday cake

belated happy birthda  littlehug2

 balloons balloons  big hug well done with the swimmin that is awesome  party rainbow stars 


so sorry things arent easy

can listen if you want to talk

huge hugs
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no one wants to know
no one cares
those who do want to know,
  want to know so they can use it against me
hurt, pain, anger, destruction, death and hatred, the story of my life
all i hope for is some one i can love trust and believe loves and cares for me and wants whats best for me
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