i've tried so hard for everything to be ok. Probably so hard that i've ignored it all, i've pushed and pushed ignoring tell tale signs that things are not great, pushed straight passed 'i need to do something about this' and find myself failing to be able to to stop crashing.
i've ignored people on here, i've distanced myself from the few people i would sometimes see and i've worked. Work work work work work.... and in a way it works because i have to be completely involved and engaged all the time, i can't afford not to be, so i have no time to notice that things are not ok.
But the last couple of days i have noticed that things are dropping way down hill when work ends for the day. i'm ending up in places (physically and mentally) and i don't remember how i got there or what i did.
Maybe this is a panic, i'm hoping so and that after work tomorrow the drop may not be so great... maybe?