Hey everyone I'm new here due to the fact that I used to self harm serverely and managed to stop for 2 years but then in October last year I started again. I am still trying to work out how and what led me to self harm again.
At the moment however my most pressing concern is my work place. I work for a large company in a very fast paced environment. Needless to say I'm a manager at McDonald's (yes laugh away lol). Anyway I self harm on my legs so no one has ever been aware of my self harm. I kept it secret for many many years. But last year I passed out whilst on shift and my 1st assistant manager (the person above me) saw blood on the floor she made me show her for health and safety reasons. The next day when I came to work I was called in to see my Store Manager (my actual boss) she asked me politely to show her but said I didn't have to. I showed her, since my job is so active and there is alot of running about involved my leg was covered in blood through knocking and bashing my leg about all day. It actually looked much worse than it was. She agreed to give me 3 weeks off and I was happy when she said I could have it as a holiday so I get my nice big holiday bonus :-D. I stayed at my friends house and went to my GP he gave me anti depressants. No referral for a psych assessment though!!!
Anyway my self harm has begun to take over again, so much so that I am doing it before work, on my breaks, after work etc. It is getting very worrying and overwhelming
I feel so much pressure on my job that on my break I have to release or I will burst out crying and that's not a good idea in front of customers and 30 plus staff. I feel I need to speak to my 1st Assistant Manager and my Store Manager once again. The only problem being is my 1st Assistant (who I am closes to) grandfather is very ill and she is very stressed ATM so I don't want to cause her any hassle. I have a new store manager who seems colder and much less understanding. She is so cold she even makes my 1st Assistant feel bad for not staying behind and doing extra work because she has to go visit her grandfather in hospital. This makes me think that my new Store Manager would not be sympathetic towards my situation at all!!!! I don't know what to do... I cannot go on as I am for much longer without making myself seriously ill. Yet for the first time I want to do the right thing and speak to someone before it gets out of control but there really is no one I feel comfortable talking to. I am planning to got to my GP either Thursday or Friday but whether I get the support I need will be another question entirely.
any advice on how to approach this before it gets serious?
Thanks Lu xx