Can't cope with life *trig sh*

[green_jaguar]

Thanks guys for your replies. I'm finding it really hard to care right now. Dragonfly, I can say the right things to say to other people, but it's so much harder to practice what I preach. I know there are people who care, who are listening, but so what? That doesn't stop my pain, it doesn't get rid of the self doubt and the anxiety. I can be reasonable, and logically I know SH is not the answer. But all I want to do is scream and hurt and bleed, and make the pain in my heart go away.

[Jeep]

 
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can really hear your pain through your words this evening. Which must be making you feel terrible.

You wrote that you've recently changed your AD and that your GP said 'expect a wobble', could this be what you are experiencing? Would it be worth contacting your GP tomorrow to talk about what you are feeling? Have you talked to your OH? Things will get better hun.

You have been so brave so far, talking to your OH; GP and posting on here. It is such a great achievement to be able to talk about the things that are most difficult for us and not letting them bottle up.

Can you think of anyways that you could release the tension of wanting to scream/hurt?

Sorry if none of my words/thoughts help.

Take care of yourself. 

[Dragonfly]

 

+1 to Jeep - lots of good ideas there.

It's so much easier to deal with someone else's problems isn't it? I totally understand that. That gnawing feeling of worthlessness can really engulf us. But it is just a notion, we don't have to listen to it, or accept it. It will pass, and you are worth so much to so many people.

One of the ways I have found I can sometimes get round it is by talking to myself!! I know that sounds daft, but I talk to myself as though I was someone else (I'm not sure that would be a good thing long term but it helps in the moment!) I just say stuff gently but firmly. Like "okay, so why not make a cup of tea? That's always nice. Just pop in the kitchen and boil the kettle..." and so on, literally talking myself through what I'm doing, almost as though I'm teaching someone to do it. Sometimes I carry on through the details, and point stuff out like "look at the swirly patterns in the steam" and I say lots of positive praise things, "that's it, well done" "good girl" etc. That way I can do something that distracts from the thoughts of harming and the general negativity that can otherwise have me superglued to the sofa. I usually find that once I can start to do something, and get a cup of tea or something in me then I can get some more positive momentum.

That may sound completely batty, and might not be useful for you, but if nothing else, it's made me laugh reading it back

Keep talking, you can get through this xx
 

[green_jaguar]

Dragonfly, thanks for your suggestion. I tried talking to myself this morning, praising myself for getting some housework done. And then I smiled because I thought of your comments So thank you, you've made me smile too.
I can feel a lot of tension building up, it makes me want to lash out. I tried punching a cushion, which helped for a bit. But then it wasn't enough. My OH reckons I need a punching bag to take my stresses out on. Would probably work, but my house is already piled high with junk, don't think I can fit a punch bag in too!
I've got a lot of things coming up in the next couple of weeks. My eldest, who's 4, is going into hospital tomorrow for a routine operation. I'm not overly worried, it's just ANOTHER thing on the list of stuff to remember/organise/stress about. I have a calendar, with seperate columns for each person, to try and keep track of everything. But I'm so preoccupied trying to remember everything, I forget to look at it! Gahhhh! Just wish my mind would be quiet for long enough to get some decent sleep.

[Dragonfly]

 

Glad my ramblings made you smile

Exercise is often recommended for people with depression - which always sounds really annoying when you feel glued to the sofa, or you're stressed becuase you're so busy, but I have to say as I get better and can do more, exercise really does help me release stress. Maybe when you feel up to it you could see if there's a class or something in your area, and have an hour a week where someone else looks after the little ones and you get some time to yourself?

Sounds like you have a lot to juggle. Just try to take it one thing at a time. I hope the op goes well and little one is home again quickly - it must be worrying for you 

Thinking of you xx