How deep does it have to be? TRIG SH

[smiler]

well done for calmin down and been able to feel better

i am so proud of you for askin for help

[5u2]

Glad you feel better.
Waiting for ages at drs drives me mad too!
Hope everything's ok now.
*Hugs*
x

[Patient Pianist]

wow there's definately some positives there... waiting drives me nuts as well.  If you are thinking about counselling, it worth having an answer for 'what do you want to get out of *however many session* i always struggle with that one, words seem to fail me, but it seems to be a favourite question.  Good luck hun, dont forget we're here to suppot you anytime xx

[needtostop]

I hate feeling like you do. just want to be alone.
Sorry if this is about me - wanted to try help you too 

[Dragonfly]

Thanks for your supportive replies.

No need to apologise needtostop, I appreciate your kind thoughts. Hope you're doing okay 

good point PP - I've heard that one enough times before too  i normally get to things like, well I'd like to know why I'm here, what's life about? you know those kind of meaning of life questions - not v helpful! I suppose I need to work out why I've got so severely depressed again when things had been going so well for a few months. Does that sound achievable?

Feeling quite triggered tonight but been doggedly distracting - pootling around on here, looking at stuff online, filed and buffed my nails, now looking tidy and shiny Feeling quite tired now so think will sleep. Will be a relief.

Night night

[Dragonfly]

ooooooooo, wierd sleeping, strange dreams. Worst thing is, can't remember them to know they were just silly - just have strong lingering sensation of doom/terror or something.

Meeting up with brother and sister-in-law. Have to get dressed and go, they're on their way. Eeeek. SHoudl be excited, feel nervous. WHy am I so useless. I can't even do something fun wihtout a panic??? 

No time, must hurry

[Jeep]

 
Thanks dragonfly for pm, it's greatly appreciated.
I can't pm at the moment because I'm still a newbie.
I hope you get this message 

[Dragonfly]

  Jeep,

Yep, just seen it - you're a genius!
uh, so many rules 

[Patient Pianist]

how are you doing dragonfly? xx

[Dragonfly]

Hi PP,

thanks for asking. Has really touched me. 

Honestly - mixed. Have good moments, but sometimes it feels like such a constant struggle. I know it's worth it for the good bits, and I havent harmed for over a week (if we exclude drinking mojitos at home alone. Oh that sounds so sad. Fresh mint from the garden was yum though!) and the last time was only small. I just don't have a strong sense of belonging anywhere. I never feel like I fit in. I'm such a wierdo. I had some lovely days with my Mum, and she is wonderful, but that relationship has it's own difficulties. And generally I just don't let on to anyone how I'm feeling. I asked my GP for a referral to CBT which she said she'd do but I haven't heard anything yet and she said it might be six months or more, so I feel quite unsupported, but then why should anyone support me when I don't ask for help? Silly girl. I need to have more friends, but I'm not much fun to be with these days. Most of my 'friends' are male and while I don't doubt that they do care in some way about me, I know that most of them have ulterior motives to some degree or other (I'm not being arrogant, I find that hard to believe, but they've told me). I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it's not 'me' they like, they don't know 'me' it's just an image in their head of somethign they want to own. And then it makes me feel horrible having to constantly enforce boundaries and keep reminding them I don't reciprocate. I'd just like to have one single person who would love me unconditionally. Mum doesn't. I know that sounds harsh, but with my family, it's all fine as long as what I'm doing fits in with what they perceive I should be doing. Anything else and it's always "well if that's the path your choosing, well I'm sorry but I won't be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong" and such like.

ANyway, I'm just being self-pitying and pathetic. I have a lot to be grateful for so should I get on being grateful. I'm going to try to get a table today - I haven't had one since I moved here last June, and it really annoys me - nothing proper to lean on to write or draw or eat at. Found a place that recycle pub furniture, so hopefully can get a decent solid table without spending money that I don't have. Fingers crossed.

Think will tinkle on the piano for a bit first, it needs tuning, but it is a release, even though I'm crap at playing.

Hope you're doing okay