She died - thoughts all over the place *Trig OD SUI*

[hayley]

Anniversary of a friend's death - she killed herself.  Have been thinking a lot about her and I've got od thoughts in my head.  I do not know what method she chose so do not know if she really meant to die or if she went too far and tried to come back but couldn't.  

Feel angry too because her best friends  had short inpatient stays on psych wards afterwards. Then I feel bad because she obviously felt she had to do something forhersel for once.  Itry to tell myself shes at least at peace now but its such a shame her demons won.

I think I'd like to join her however I guess I should wait to see if its just another bad day.

Do have some pills but unsure if theyre the 'right' ones.  Should I do some research?

[greenday]

no dont do it i no your sad but try to keep talking

[Broken Wings]

Hi Hayley, Really sorry for your loss,did you recieve any help after your friend died? I'd urge you to contact somone if you feel as if you will act on your plans,as for doing research it never ends well i'd say not to.

How are you now hun? Take care  xx

[hayley]

Still rough.  Have so far avoided reading up on it.

Havent really spoke to anyone at length about it mainly because if I'm in agood place afraid it might trigger me.  when I'm like I am now I dont want to make it worse.

I only knew her for a few months but she really helped me.

[Broken Wings]

Sometimes it's the people we know for the shortest time who make such a big impact on our lifes,is there anyone else irl who is supporting you,not only with this but with other things as well?

Glad you haven't read up on it.

Really hope you manage to stay safe,take care  xx

[hayley]

Have taken a sneaky peak and would be dangerous.... wish I hadn't

Do have support but a bit worried about using it because whenever I feel like this and say stuff I get banged up in hospital - really don't want to go there again.

[Broken Wings]

I wish you hadn't too hun,try to forget what you read maybe put a dvd on to chase away what you read,(sorry if that sounds lame)

As for talking to your support,could you maybe say what you need to inc what you've said here,and try to make them understand that putting you in hospital is not what you feel you need at this time,is there any other option beside hospital if you were to talk to them,like home treatment team,might be worth a shot.

Failing that how about the sam's they always listen never judge,if your not good at talking there's always txt or email,try to stay safe if you can,please keep talking on here take care  xx