firstly, I have been a sixteen year old who self harms and hides everything from my parents, and I have been the friend of a young person who self harms, so I can see it from both perspectives. It sounds as though she has a big problem, especially with her self confidence. It's really hard at that age, as you start getting new feelings such as guilt, and start to wonder where your place is in the world/ feel worthless that you don't have one. It can be a real struggle, hense the mood swings. She may feel like she can do this all on her own, and that her ways of coping are the best ones. Of course she is wrong, but that might be how she feels. As grown up as they are (and feel!), 16 years olds still have quite a bit of child in them.
Really well done on not reacting, the most important thing is that you don't react badly. A lot of parents who of course want to help, end up making things really bad for their kids. Your daughter is really lucky having you being so understanding and supportive of her. Only two things I would say, one, never force her to show you her self harm. My mum did this to me and all it did was make me angry with her, and hide things from her even more. Second, unless it's an emergency and your daughter is doing SERIOUS damage in front of you, don't ever try to take away her methods or force her to stop. A clean tool she is used to is much better for her than a broken pen that she grabs in desperation. Taking away the method never works, especially as she may be feeling like her life is out of control.
By the way, my friend/young person I helped also used to starve herself, that's a tough one I think too.
It's really good you've taken her to get support, as that is the best thing to do. she needs the support of professionals, as well as you.
She is probably saying she regrets telling everyone because she is scared, and feels it has been taken out of her control. The most frustrating thing is when people don't accept help. The other thing, is self harm can be a lot about control. If she stops, she may feel she doesn't have any control anymore, or anything to make her feel instantly better. When I stopped self harm, I did it for my friends and family, and now I don't do it becuase I know its not good for me. If I had a real choice, I would still do it now, because I enjoyed it too.
Keep trying with CAMS and the GP, make sure you yourself have support. Here is a good place to get your feelings out and just talk things through with others. You can PM as well if you want. Believe me, I KNOW how tough and frustrating it is trying to support someone so young.
Leaving her on her own won't make much difference. If she wants to hurt herself, she will, whether you are there or not. However, having you around may calm her a little. The not being able to see and end to it and feelings of worthlessness i've seen so many times before. She clearly has low self esteem as well, which is something you can do a little bit about. Try not to be negative towards her, and try to be positive. 10 positive comments may make her feel perhaps she is a little bit worth something, but it only takes 1 negative one to knock it all back again. Try and encourage her to do things that will make her feel good about herself, perhaps take her away to the beach for the day or something too.
You are certainly not alone with this, in fact there are loads of people (a lot of which are on this site
) in both you and your daughters positions.
Could you suggest your daughter uses this site for support? she needs support, and as much as you and professionals can do, she will be much more likely to accept it from others. Not sure what it is, but teenagers seem to just rebel against parents and profesionals. Like anything they say is a bad idea.
You are doing all you can for her at the moment, especially by asking for help on this site.
Good luck, and let us know how its going x x