My Mum *TRIG TRIG TRIG* SH SA death etc etc

[Jovie]

God! My whole family seems to be a pile of crazy!! It's not long ago I was posting about my brother, I've been on here for years and now I'm on about my Mum!! 
 
To be honest though my Mother and I have had a really difficult relationship for a really long time, we just can't see eye to eye and despite many mediations etc she's never been willing to put in any effort to change her attitude or behaviour toward me, or even meet me half way when I try SO hard to make things better between us.
    Anyway, after another one of these heart-to-hearts, through some one else, sessions she admitted that she's felt depressed her whole life, and she's always found life difficult AND she also admitted that she's angry and resentful toward me because I 'indulge' myself while she's always just had to get up and on with things because there wasn't any other choice when she was growing up. 
I really feel for her, and I've been able to tell she's depressed for a long time, but to blame me for needing help and stuff is just so unfair!!
     Though, I have to say, that attitude is typical of her and a large part of why we have problems; she just "doesn't have time for peoples nonsense" (not to mention she's a very unemotional person who hates hugs and 'touch-feely' things, as she puts it)

But recently, since my MH problems and SH and anxiety and everything have been getting completely out of control really, my family's been putting a lot of effort into getting me some proper help.
  I feel really guilty for the pressure all my stuff has put on my parents, on top of the whole family having had a supremely AWFUL few years and my Dad having to act as a go between for my Mother and me most of the time as well, so I've been saying to them both that they should talk to some one too; that this stuff's hard to deal with and they need support as well. 
But even after admitting what she did; my Mum has flat-out refused!!! It's so stupid and proud, she NEEDS to talk to some one, who wouldn't?! She's felt depressed her whole life and in the past 3 years alone;
 Her mother died
Her Father was in hospital for 6months and nearly died twice and now she has to take charge of his care
Her daughter was raped and has serious MH problems
Her son was diagnosed with Aspergers
 and last Christmas; her best-friend and sister-in-law was killed in a car crash!! (and she was the widow of my Mothers ONLY sibling who also died 19 years ago)

What can I do to make a person I can barely have a conversation with see that it's OK to need help, and accept that she CLEARLY does!?!

[findingmyway]

 

[Jovie]

Thank you.
I guess there isn't really an answer to this, but your response: just your having noticed and cared, well, it came right at the perfect moment. Just when I needed to know some one was there - you were. So really...thank you xox

[findingmyway]

Anytime

I wish I could find the right words for you, but even whilst I can't, I'm here and listening if you want to talk. I hope you're ok

[BrownBear]

As annoying as it may seem, I think the issue simply comes from your mother being from a generation that is much less willing to discuss their thoughts and feelings as we are in this day and age. Its not particularly accepted now days, but mental issues and depression are at least understood and dealt with nowdays, imagine growing up a few decades ago and struggling with mental issues. As an example I haven't got much doubt that if someone visited their GP 30 years ago and said that they were regularly self harming to cope with day to day live he would have thoughts about admittance to a psychiatric hospital. Now days it is the absolute last resort, but whilst medical care might have moved on in this time, peoples mindsets tend to be stuck in the past where you were expected to just 'get on with things'.

Its a tough situation to be in, but unless you or someone can convince her to at least give venting her feelings to a professional a go there isn't an awful lot that you can do.