New to this site ..

[Nightowl]

I'm not a parent, and I didn't tell my own family about my self harm until I was nearly 30.  I gave my parents a leaflet from Mind to read, my mother tossed it into the recycling bag without even glancing at it, I wouldn't recommend that!!

Seriously, try not to think too much of rights and wrongs, it's a learning curve for you all, if mistakes happen talk about it and don't beat yourself up, don't blame yourself.

Self harm can be a secretative thing, but try not to thing that everytime your daughter is alone in her room she is hurting herself.

What is the familys relationship with the GP like, that could be a source of support for you all.

It's a long time since I left school and I don't know much about the set up now but maybe there is a school counsellor or nurse your daughter can talk to.

[struggling*]

If she is ready and wants to have help (she may not be yet) then your GP can be a good starting point for support. Most schools will have a school nurse and the majority now also have counsellors so either of them could also be a good starting point.

As Nightowl has said, try not to get hung up on the rights and wrongs - a couple of things that my parents did though that I really wouldnt recommend are forcing her to show you marks or forcing her to seek help before she is ready (though I understand how difficult that will be as you just want to help).

The suggestion of letting her know that there is stuff available for cleaning her cuts and generally looking after them is a really good idea - I wish my parents had done something like that! I can understand how difficult it will be but try not to worry everytime she goes into her room alone, she wont necessarily be self-harming and she will still need time on her own

[billy]

sines that i will sh like u say being on my own like if i feel like i need to sh i will go to my room or have a bath i also go quite quiet (unusually for me  ) i also go to bed or say im going to bed but times i do thhis it doesnt mean i will sh it means i want to sh.

is she getting help like concling?

[stevie g.]

I keep saying thank you .. and i really mean it from the bottom of my heart .

Billy - my daughter tells me its like she is two different people ..one is upbeat ..love drum and bass ..and is happy and carefree and the other feels self conscious ..has very low self esteem , listens to suicide music  and thinks very dark thoughts .. its when shes alone in her room and feels like this she SH ..
I feel that its a big plus point that she can at least tell me these things .. and i tell her that i also had dark thoughts when i was young .. as I was abused from the age of 6 ... we all have our own scars in life ..just that some of them are mental ones ..

Struggling- Our GP is not that great .. and maybe not the right course for her , Ill see .. but I have been in contact with the Head of her school today, as I know her , and asked for support ..She was very helpful and has passed details of a CAMS support worker who looks after safeguarding at the school ..

Nightowl _ You may not be a parent , but you do give wise words of advice .
Everyones situation is different I know , and I'm sure your Mother unknowing through it in the bin ... some of us parents find it hard to understand .. we think we have the benefit of hindsight and experience ..when sometimes. we just don't understand at all ...

I realise i have to give all my children space and time to grow , and let them at times make their own mistakes
Being a parent is hard .. there is no rule book ..  its like being a strong wooden trellis for a climbing rose.
You need to be there all the time ..... stand strong ... but let your children grow through you while you feed and nurture them with love and affection.

I will always be there for them

Dad loves his daughter X

[billy]

yes u r very right it is good she can talk to u about it me and my dad dont talk about it inless he insults me about it and me and my mum dont talk about it inless she asks me if im still SHing i tend to lie about it.
yes i know how she feels about being to diffrent people.

its good the school are helping and being supportive 

[struggling*]

I can really relate to what your daughter has said about being two people - I feel like I am two totally different people all in one - I think quite a lot of people in here can probably relate to it

I'm glad her head teacher is being supportive  - CAMHS should be really helpful to her.

[stevie g.]

Billy -  I'm so sorry that it may seem your Dad has not bee as supportive towards you as he should and I can understand why you lie to your Mum about the SH ... we all need someone in life we can run to ... be our rock ...
I work in a Primary School , but I'm only the Site Manager ..not a teacher ... but we have started a group called "I'm the Daddy"   www.ImtheDaddy.me      which is trying to make Dads realise that they are as important as Mums in children's lives ... especially in ethnic or broken homes ...
I'm afraid to say that sometimes Dads dint take their responsibilities that serious ... like Ive said , there is no rule book to parenting .. but I believe its the most important job that we could ever have or do ...
My youngest was 2 when my ex left me ... and the others where 5 and 9 .. and i nearly died ... my reason for living had been taken away from me ...and i found myself on a train station platform with the intent of jumping ..

I'm so glad i didn't ... so glad ..yes it would have taken away the intense pain ... the sleepless nights ... the broken heart ... but it would have done more harm than good .. i know that now ...
In times of trouble .. when things get dark ... we still must try and hold on to something and try and rebuild

Its been a long hard road for me ..and now its going to be one for my daughter ... but we will walk it together ..hand in hard ..and Billy ..always believe that you are here for a reason , and you can change things .. it just takes hard work and support .

Thank you Billy your a star

Struggling - Thanks again for your support and kind words ...we will get there .no mater how long it takes ...

Dad loves his daughter X

[billy]

dont be sorry for my dad, we dont get on he loves alchol more than me and has made that very plan. Your daught is very lucky to have a dad like u and its lovely that u have such a close relationship, im sorry things where hears for u but admair the strength u have and the relationship u have with ur children which i one day hope to have if i have children when im older. X

[stevie g.]

Billy - Its a shame that some Dad's don't , can't or won't realise that being a parent is not only one of the most important jobs , but one of the most rewarding jobs you can ever have in life ..
I am sure that you will give you children, if you have any, all the love and attention that maybe you never had ...
I have never been a lover of alcohol , but have done my fair share of drugs ... and we all need an escape from reality at times .. and control is the master ... unfortunately its a fine line and a lot overstep that line and it becomes an addiction ..

Billy , at least you know what the difference is ..you can see whats good and bad .. whats right and wrong  ... and I'm sure that you will not continue the circle of disfunctional relationships with your loved ones ..

I am sorry for your Dad ..because it sounds like he has missed out on a lot .. and you sound a great son .

Dad that loves his daughter X

[billy]

thanks dad that loves his daughter, but i am a girl