Author Topic: struggling with it all  (Read 1883 times)

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struggling with it all
« on: April 05, 2011, 12:38:54 AM »
Hi,  I'll try not to be too long winded but i have nowhere else to go at the moment.  My daughter is 14 and has been self harming since july last year.  Last month  She  started cutting weekly, just a few at first.  However we now have shapes carved & had a lot of cuts in one go. We ended up in A&E and saw CAMHS tier 3. They have been really good but only see her once a week.  
 We have a policy that if she feels like cutting she comes to me. She doesnt always, but i held her for 5 hours one night last week just so she didnt. i explained that i couldnt stop her if she needed to but that it would break my heart if she did. i have to say it was one of the most gut wrenching experiences i have ever had to go through. She hadnt cut for 16 days although i know how hard it has been for her. So tonight she didnt cut her skin.  She shaved half her head instead.
It came out of the blue with no warning.  We had been laughing earlier in the evening.  She  hates  herself  so  much.  She  is  stilll being bullied and so doesnt attend school often. I just wondered how other parents feel when it happens. I dont blame myself for her doing it, only that i missed the signs tonight. Also are there any really good support places that other parents have found?

  :icon_arrow: Edited to remove specifics ~Bea
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 11:06:31 AM by Bea »

Offline Nightowl

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Re: struggling with it all
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2011, 07:44:08 AM »
I'm not a parent, but something in your message really reached me inside and I wanted to reply.

Have you spoken to yout GP/CAMHS about support for you and your family?  Perhaps tou could see a counsellor or have a carers assessment.

My niece was bullied at around your daughters age, it was difficult, obviously for her but also my sister who struggled to feel heard by the school.  Eventually my niece moved classes, and a new start did help, for a while they considered a complete change of school.

If you contacted Bristol Crisis for Women they produce a booket for friends and family which may help you.

I don't know of any sites specifically for parents or carers but on here you will find a wealth of understanding from both those who self harm and parents.

You sound an amazing parent and I wish you and your daughter well.
When you feel like letting go, hold on.

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow".

Maryanne Radanbacher
Last od 22/05/2012
Last sh 10/05/2012
Last drink 14/04/2012

Offline redtears

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Re: struggling with it all
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2011, 11:00:57 PM »
Its really nice to see you are trying to support your daughter in all of this. I am not a parent of someone that SH but i was your daughters age when i started to SH because of CSA and being bullied at school. The only adive i could offer is what not to do as a parent because my parents were not supportive at all when they found out.

If you would like my suggestions feel free to ask, i wont go into them now inc ase they are not wanted or helpful.
I hope your daughter gets the help and support she needs from outside agencies.


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Re: struggling with it all
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2011, 10:50:22 AM »
i am a newbie myself to this site, but i am in a similar situation to you. I have three children, 2 daughters and 1 son. My eldest daughter is has ASD,dsybraxia,hypermobility syndrome and mild brittle bones. She is also a self harmer. my other daughter is OK, but my son has ASD and ADHD. Your situation regarding the self harming is distressing for you as the parent. I fully understand your feelings. My Eldest Daughter is also really bad with the self harm. She is under CAMHS and is on Fluxetine and melatonin. She cuts herself. She also gets very violent, often throwing and smashing things. She will hit and punch me or her mother and siblings without regard to the damage. She also will try and collect tablets and store them to as she says take when she gets stressed and doesn't,t want to be here anymore. We have to lockup the kitchen at night, we keep all medication and tools etc in two big safes. We have to watch her take her medication and check her mouth to make sure they are swallowed. So as you can see without even talking about my sons problems i can fully understand what you are going through, all i can say to you is your not alone, and if you would like to talk to someone going through similar issues as yourself, i am hear OK. I cannot stress enough the importance of pressuring people for help for you or your daughter. CAMHS should be involved, you can get alot of help from THE ZONE, Get yoursef under a CAFF, approach youth services to as my daughter goes to a Autistic youth group, they are also experienced with self harming as others who attend the group also do it, so they can support each other. You also need support for you, sometimes the youth group have activity days out or weekend trips usually free, this gives you sometime to recover and recharge your batteries too. I hope this has been some help to you, best wishes


  :icon_arrow: Edited to remove methods / details / med names ~ Bea
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 11:05:00 AM by Bea »

Offline Je7

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Re: struggling with it all
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2011, 08:59:31 PM »
I'm not a parent, but something in your message really reached me inside and I wanted to reply.

If you contacted Bristol Crisis for Women they produce a booket for friends and family which may help you.

I totally agree with Nightowl, something in your post really got to me and touched me, I was around the same age as your daughter when I first started SH'ing. You sound like such an amazing parent, when you say you held your daughter the other night for 5 hours, I felt really touched by this. I do not think that there is anything else you can do other than things that have been suggested. Defintely offer to listen to her but she may not be able to explain her feelings. Does she still see CAMHS?
I am not a parent but have definitely found this forum full with really lovely people. We are definitely hear to listen.