I joined this forum 3.5 years ago and am very grateful for the advice received back then. However.......I would say that the advice I wanted was aimed at what could be causing my son to self harm, how I cope with his self harming, how I can best support him, and how I deal with the feelings of self-recrimination.
What has helped me to deal with my emotions was knowing the 3 CísÖ..I didnít cause it, canít change it and canít cure it. Taking in these 3 Cís has wiped the self blame away and cleared my mind of the all encompassing feeling of failure as a parent. I could get on with supporting him as best as possible without breaking down in tears, which then didnít help him.
I gave this site info to him in the hope that he would seek it out for support but he says that he hasn't.
So here I am a few years down the line and my son is still self-harming, though in a more deliberate way, to deal with situations/emotions that he still can't deal with.
He has been under CAMHS, (now FACT I believe!), but has now turned 18, (Nov 2010), and is under the adult mental health team for depression. He was on Citalopram for the depression but he seems to have stopped taking them.
In addition to the original ADHD, he has also been diagnosed with Aspergers and this means that he finds life in general difficult to cope with but he doesn't want to engage with any support that I arrange because he has a thing about just how many 'people' I have arranged for him to see over the last 5 years. He has a care co-ordinator who has been unable to engage with him more than twice since January, and then only because we were able to get him there. I now have intervened and made an appointment to take him to next week.
Today he self-harmed again and made no secret of it, there was a heavy fresh wet blood stain on his jeans but he wouldn't show me the actual injury which was on his wrist.
I am now wondering whether he needs a spell as an inpatient to take him out of his normal life, away from the daily stresses, somewhere safe where he can learn new coping strategies in a safe environment. A sort of ĎTime-outí period.
I had hoped to help to get him living independently because itís what he would like but I really donít think he could cope with all the responsibilities if he canít even cope at home here.
Whatever I am doing isn't and hasn't helped him to learn how to cope and I donít know what else to do.
How have other parents approached the prospect of Ďinpatientí time? Ö.And how do I go about introducing the subject with my son? Ö.OhÖ.and what are the chances of this happening in any case? What with government cutbacks and community care etcÖ
Thanks for readingÖ