whats the best option? poss trig sh, od

[janeyxx93]

  I'm in a bit of a don't know what to do situation, so thought I could post in here as you are the poeple who have been affected it this kinda thing first hand, if that makes sense. I wonder wether to tell anyone about my sh issues, the first time and only time I have ever been caught was 3 years ago when I was 13 years old, my mum came down stairs and noticed the bandage in my wrist, and asked me.....I just said oh I caught it nothing to worry about, I now realise this is the worst lie ever. she argued with me and wasn't convinced, She went upstairs to get my dad and I was so frightened I ran out of the house, not sure of what I was trying to achienve here but I was only 13 and I panicked. My heart was in my mouth, and only after reaching a few streets away my mum rang my mobile and said if I didn't go home she was going to wake my dad up to come and get me, this frightened the life out of me....so I went home, my dad was sat in the front room and told me that mum had said I had hurt my arm, I said yeah its only a little scratch.....he demanded to see it, I refused and ran upstairs an hid in my room, he shouted at me so much that after about an hour I came down and took it off, he looked at me in disgust and just said I can't believe what youv'e done, he carried on shouting at me, and I felt so ashamed. we never talked about it since that day, which doesn't mean I stopped it just means I got better at hiding it, and the feeling of being ashamed made it worse. A couple of months ago I left home due to increased sh and very, very close to an od, I now live with friends and managed to not do it for a good few months, but the guilt has got on top of me and when I do sh it helps my emotions, helps to settle them, but my question is do I tell? the reaction I got last time was so scary, I don't think i could cope with that again, I know it was a long time ago.....but its always there in the back of my head, how did you find out? what did you do when you found out? how did you feel? whats the best way to tell someone that cares so much about you? were you disappointed?
thanks for taking the time to read this
Janey x

[rainbow]

but my question is do I tell? Well, it is up to you if you do or not. But... mabye go around it another way? mabye write to them? ask them to keep calm?

How did you find out? (im the SH'er here) But my mum has known for nearly a year now. She found out because she was suspicious af all the braclets on my wrists, and wondered why i *always* wore them. She basically ripped my arm off! and moved my braclets and sore all the cuts.

what did you do when you found out? Mum hugged me, i was shakeing she hugged me and asked me how long id being doing it for. TO be honest, she was very calm aobut the situation, and when she was told yesterday by mu psych that i was still cutting. She was very calm. She jsut said.. 'right, ok'

whats the best way to tell someone that cares so much about you? The truth, i would say the truth is the best way. When i told my nan. (i was scared of upseting mum as she was going through chemo) i text her asking if we could meet up, and i told her. I need to tell her. cause i was bad! It was hard, but i told her to her face.


I hope this is some help! though, i havent answered all the questions, cause that would mean asking mum and. i dont want to do that. x

[plastic_smile]

Hi Janey,

I am sorry you had such a bad experience with your self harm and your parents finding out. Their reactions were very hurtful and not the most supportive. It sounds like they felt guilty too and don't really know how to approach the situation...aggression is a common response. You should not feel guilty though, it is NOT your fault.

Telling someone on your terms is a good step - and also a very brave one- to getting the help and support you deserve. It is your choice and your choice only (unless you  are unexpectedly outed but you do not have to give them an explanation...). If you do want to tell someone make sure it is someone you can trust. But even if you trust them be aware that they may not take it well. A good friend will stick by you no matter what, even if the first reaction is less desirable.

I told my mum as she would have found out and I would rather she found out on my terms. She blamed herself and my dad was angry. Neither of my parents understood and I doubt they ever will. A family member has the view that I should be locked up as I am a danger to society and myself, but what do they know....?

Have you thought about seeking professional help for your self harm and more importantly to deal with the issues behind it? It may be easier to tell a professional as they are confidential and often trained in such areas.

If you decide to tell a friend, whatever you do, do not promise them to stop as this often make it worse and can damage the friendship. It will also make stopping in the future harder as your confidence in your abilities could be affected by the promise.

Telling anyone can b difficult on both sides, so another option is writing it down, this means you are able formulate what you want to say and because they read it, it may be easier for them to take it in or at least understand it without exploding at you before you have a chance to explain.

Good luck. xxx