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Author Topic: Mum of 14 yr old seeks advice and support *Trig SH OD*  (Read 3047 times)
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wendee
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« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2010, 10:30:05 PM »

Thank you so much to you all for your support, and believe me you have been a great help, what wonderful people you all are!
I had an appointment with my daughters head of year today, he was really supportive and has promised to look into self harming more and provide some sort of workshop. We have had a lovely night tonight, we've watched videos from when she was a toddler and laughed and cried at her singing on the karaoke (ok I admit I was singing too). We have also had a great chat and she has told me how she feels, I know that she may continue harming, but she knows that she can talk to me, and hopefully when she feels low we can work through it together. The emotions thing is a really good idea and I think we will implement this, just trying to personalise it a little first.
 We have cinema nights(dvd and pizza), a spa break(face masks etc) and a make-over night (slapping it on each other) planned for the next few weeks, they will be enjoyable, but as I say - I am not expecting miracles!
This forum and the advice, support and help I have received is fantastic (I am no longer alone) , I have suggested her head of year should take a look.
So thanks again, I wish I could offer you all the help you have given me
x
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emilysdad
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« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2010, 12:04:17 AM »

Just stay with her - you are doing as best you can

 littlehug1
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Stay safe and never give up hope of a better future.   
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billy
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save a life love an emo kid!


« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2010, 09:54:41 AM »

 littlehug1

ur a really grate mum  big hug

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"evrything can be recycled except time!"

"evrything will be ok in the end
if its not ok
its not the end!"

"remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"
lizzy
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« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2010, 08:07:22 PM »

Hi so glad you found a place to get the support you will need. I am a teacher also and my daughter who is 14 sh's. We have been refered to the local CAHMS practioners and although these sessions are hard they help my daughter.  She hasn't been able to sleep for some time and either I sit with her lie in her bed or she comes into my bed and my husband sleeps in the spare room depending on how anxious she is. I've been doing this for 8 months now but the more relaxed sleep it brings makes it easier for her to cope with the days. the problems she has are complex and I don't know how i missed them! I guess the mask they wear is so good  we can easily miss things.It sounds as if you are doing a great job in loving and caring for your daughter, keep going, you just have to do what you know is right in your gut and stand with them - but boy it's hard. Big Hugs. rainbow
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loudecreme
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« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2010, 08:23:59 PM »

I had an appointment with my daughters head of year today, he was really supportive and has promised to look into self harming more and provide some sort of workshop.

Have you looked on the home page....nshn now provide training workshops.
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wendee
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« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2010, 11:36:24 PM »

Again I cannot thank you all enough! I am so grateful for your words of advice as I cannot offer any of my own. I know that lack of sleep can cause depression, so am running hot baths and soothing music. Though being 14 she laughed at my idea of soothing music and told me it was depressing. I have learnt to take each day as it comes and just to keep on talking. I don't want to keep checking her wrists, as I feel that if she isnt harming herself and telling me she isnt- well it looks like I am not trusting her. So - she now has to wash the pots every night and earns a wage by doing it, that way when she is washing up I can see her wrists without me having to make it obvious, and she is getting a wage too. Today, she has dumped a boy she was seeing, well sort of seeing as he went to a different school and they didnt really see each other (was all phone, text or msn) I am so proud of her, as I have read her messages without her knowing and she has told him, that she needs to sort herself out and feels as though he brings her down.
Like I say, day by day- today has been good! Fingers crossed for tomorrow!
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sandydog
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« Reply #16 on: March 18, 2010, 03:02:16 PM »

wow what a fantastic job you are doing! if only we all were so lucky to have someone as supportive as you in our lives. keep doing what you are doing. just a little warning though, she may well have moved onto other areas than her wrists. i soon realised that your wristes are just too visable even when wearing long sleaves, they can easily ride up. dont really have any suggestions on how o tackle the issue though coz being made to show that you havnt sh'd can have bad consequences, its a huge trust thing. it sounds like you have a really good relationship, so i guess just keep talking to her, let her know its ok to tell you if she has sh'd. my current councillor is the only person who has been 100% supportive about my sh'ing, she never judges me, and in fact has told me that although it isnt a safe coping mechanism, she knows it works really well. she doesnt expect me not to sh, but instead discusses what prompted it and helps me to try to find alternative methods.
keep doing what you are doing xx littlehug1
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billy
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save a life love an emo kid!


« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2010, 08:02:40 PM »

i think cheaking her arms is not a good idea at all it doesnt help it just made me hide my SH more
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"evrything can be recycled except time!"

"evrything will be ok in the end
if its not ok
its not the end!"

"remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"
emilysdad
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« Reply #18 on: March 19, 2010, 10:04:47 PM »

Billy,
You are right, demanding to check Sh doesn't work if it is not offered and only widens the gap between you. But being aware and constantly offering support without judgement can break down barriers.
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Stay safe and never give up hope of a better future.   
http://www.childline.org.uk/talk/Pages/Talk.aspx
lizzy
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« Reply #19 on: March 21, 2010, 03:51:42 PM »

Hi Wendee,

my daughter is 14 and sh's. I can always tell when she has cut. She is withdrawn, covers her self needs me with her but doesn't want to be cuddled. I just follow her lead and when she's ready she tells me what she's done and usually shows me. I leave this to her because it is her private thing and seeing the cuts is so distressing. You will work through it all together. What I have learnt is that I can't stop her and it's not my fault, all I can do is support her and care for her as much as I can. But it does take it out of you and tangles your heart and mind up! Sometimes I feel as if my heart has been broken but i gather myself up and stay as strong as i can for her because she is beautiful, unique and special in every way even though she can't see that at the moment. Stay strong and remember we are here when you need us.
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