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Author Topic: Mum of 14 yr old seeks advice and support *Trig SH OD*  (Read 3089 times)
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wendee
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« on: March 16, 2010, 12:19:01 AM »

Well, I don't know where to start! My daughter turned 14 last month! She is generally a very happy carefree child, we are very close and I teach at the school that she attends.
So....last week, another teacher approaches me, and tells me a pupil has gone to him as he thinks my daughter may have self harmed the night before. We get home from work and she is holding the cuff of her jumper as she is eating her tea. I ran her a bath and told her to get in it and I would bring her a coffee up. I see marks on her wrist, she told me she used a tool and did it because her best mate had fell out with her. I asked her why she hadnt spoke to me and she said her best mate self harmed and got loads of attention so she did the same...
Well, we went to the doctors, he was great and we had a full 90 minute appointment, he asked her loads of questions, and he said he thinks she has hormonal problems (her periods can last upto 20 days) and thinks this is causing depression. We have had a fantastic weekend, cuddles, great mothers day etc..
Today, at school, I got a phone call from a Headmaster at another school telling me that my daughter had sent one of his pupils a text message saying she was going to take an overdose. It turned out that it wasnt my daughter but one of her mates that took an OD,  Theres so much more to this story, including boys and peer pressure. Am finding it really hard as I teach at the school my daughter attends. I am trying my best to be supportive, I havent raised my voice, we have talked so much and have tonight given her some traffic light colours so she can show me how she feels without having to say it. Red not good, Amber so so, Green happy.
Any help out there?

rob arrow Edit, removed details of OD and added trigger warnings to thread title - Gerard
« Last Edit: March 16, 2010, 02:41:40 PM by Gerard » Logged
loudecreme
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« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2010, 12:40:05 AM »

 big hug welcome
Hi Wendee, welcome to the site.  You have come to the right place for help and support.  You are doing a fantastic job of supporting her through this difficult stage.  It is hard to find out that your daughter is harming herself (my daughter was 13 when she started).  The last thing a mother wants is for thier child to come to any harm so when they do it to themselves it makes it all the more painful for us.  I am pleased that your doctor was helpful as this is a big issue for me as I felt our GP thought we were wasting his time.  Has your daughter been offered any counselling to help her talk through her problems.  Teenage years are hard, especially for girls with their hormones and bodies changing etc. All I can advise is that you let her know you are there for her whenever she wants to talk.  Be supportive of her and if she does harm again then try to stay calm (easier said than done I know) and ask her if you can help her in anyway.  My daughter hates it if I bring the subject up but she does talk to me when SHE wants to.  Do you have anybody you can talk to who can support you away from this site?

Keep posting.
Thinking of you. littlehug2
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wendee
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« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2010, 12:55:56 AM »

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply
Our GP put her on evening primrose oil last year as she was having anger outbursts, that made her depressed so he has now put her on the pill ( he says that she is losing too many vitamins by having such lengthy periods) I was hesitant about this, but I know she doesnt have a boyfriend and is still quite immature for her age.
I have taken the step of removing her laptop, as I feel that MSN is a huge contribution to her feeling down and depressed. We are doing the cinema tomorrow night, jujitsu Wed (she is a black belt), wii night Thursday and major dog walk Friday. I am trying to keep her busy, is this the right way to go?
I have laid with her tonight till she fell asleep (havent done that for years) and I will do this as long as she wants me to. When I lie with her though, I find myself looking round her room for sharp objects.
The school have offered counselling, but to be honest I know the counsellor and am not sure my daughter will benefit x
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emilysdad
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« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2010, 12:57:07 AM »

Wendee,
Plenty of advice here but not necessarily much help unfortunately, but support certainly, this is a psychological minefield which relates only to your daughters personal specific reasons for her reactions - it is surely not any surprise that most of these reactions surface in puberty when hormones invade the brain and thoughts run riot! Colour coding may work for you both and if it does then great, but be aware that if she is living and presenting you with a mask behind which she hides her true feelings you should  always to assume the worst and be glad to be proved wrong!

All the best to you and her  littlehug1
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wendee
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« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2010, 01:04:56 AM »

mask? oh yes she has the mask.. I'm ok mum, everythings fine etc!
Have a meeting tomorrow, will see how we get on.Thanks again x
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Yoshi
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A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.


« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2010, 09:56:29 AM »

I have nothing to say in terms of advice but I just wanted to say - you sound like a completely awesome mum. Seriously.
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"The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you."
Sadie
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« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2010, 11:16:34 AM »

I have nothing to say in terms of advice but I just wanted to say - you sound like a completely awesome mum. Seriously.

+1

I don't really have any advice either, sounds like you're doing an excellent job. I love how you're keeping her busy, and I like the colour thing. Your daughter is extremely lucky to have a mum like you! All I can say is make sure that you have someone that you can talk to about things. I imagine it can be very hard being a parent, especially when the child is going through a rough patch.
Remember that the people on this site will always be happy to reply to your posts and try and give you advice.  littlehug1 xx
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CharlieCash
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« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2010, 01:37:09 PM »

 big hug Hi i am the mum of a 16 year old Emily, (16 yesterday!) who has sh since she was about 12. I have been through every emotion known to man and its a daily struggle the best advice i was ever given was simply, listen, love and keep the first aid box topped up. Its sounds clinical but it really was good advice. Your traffic light idea is great you could take this one step further which is what i did and we had lots of different faces likes smilies but with different emotions, fear, anger, sadnees, rage, wobbly etc... that way i got to understand more about the emotion Emily was feeling. We also have a special chair in the kitchen and if she cant communicate she sits in this chair and at least i know she needs me to be there, maybe not to talk but just be there.

You sound like are doing everything you can and a great job. Keep listening, keep talking for your own emotions and you are not alone.x
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lyssie
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« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2010, 01:56:44 PM »

Hiya,

I think you're being fab with your daughter to be honest. I was 16 when I first self harmed and when my mum found out she pretty much knew it was about the fact that I was badly bullied at school. Thought I wouldn't say she was as understanding as you have been with your daughter. I can't imagine what it's like from a parents point of view but it must be petrifying. I feel lonely, embarased, and angry when my mum raises her voice to me about my self harm which in turn makes me want to harm again! And I'm 21 years old! Carry on talking, you need support too and you're doing all the right things.

Take Care,

Lyssie 
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smile
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boo!


« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2010, 07:56:40 PM »

I have nothing to say in terms of advice but I just wanted to say - you sound like a completely awesome mum. Seriously.

+1 definately.


You sound like you're doing as fantastic job. Not much advice I'm afraid, but you sound like you have a great relationship. I know it must be terrifiying thing to be dealing with from your perspective, but it seems as though you're handling it really well (my mum still can't bring herself to discuss this with me and I'm in my twenties).

Keep talking, keep positive. 

Best of luck to both of you.
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