Mum's of self-harmers

[lizzy]

Before I say anything else - sorry to dad's out there I know you are careers too and thanks Emily's dad.

Difficult time at the moment, my daughter has started to isolate herself and has been writing about suicide. I have phoned our CAHMS support person who has reassured me but I am still very worried. We have an appointment in two weeks to see a psychiatrist and I am hoping that things will move forward although even just the talking seems to help her.

[emilysdad]

All you can do is be there for her, look for signs that things are really getting worse (no caring about herself, not washing etc.), and, I know this may sound shocking but bear with me, search her room for stashes of tablets/ other means of extreme self harm - lock away any tablets you have in the house (all our tablets are kept in combination safes)
and keep talking to her calmly, if you do find something remove it and talk to her telling her you have removed it to protect her, she does not want to feel this way and you are helping her by taking the temptation away. My daughter still self harms but we haven't had a sui attempt for 2 years.

Good luck,

xx

[lizzy]

Things have improved and we seem to be in a better phase. I hesitated to write that as it seems that whenever things improve around the next corner is something else to contend with! Cahms suggested 2 weeks out of school which has taken some pressure off her. I hope it will help us to tease out some of the issues without school adding to the problems.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[loudecreme]

Hi Lizzy. Welcome. First I must apologise for not writing sooner but I have not had internet access for a month.  I am a mum of a SHer and I know what you are experiencing emotionally.  I am pleased that you are getting help for yourself as you need to be able to talk your feelings through with someone who does not judge you. It is still a taboo subject and it is people's lack of understanding that makes them pull away from your family.  My daughter and I have lost a few friends due to her SHing but it is thier loss, not ours.   
My daughter is 15 now and has been SHing for nearly 2 years.  I often cry when I get to work just like you, I stand in the staff canteen sobbing while making a drink. My daughter is not ready to accept profesional help yet but we are lucky enough to have a fantastic social worker who has found my daughter a placement in a small school as she cannot cope in mainstream school. 
 
You are a fantastic, loving, supportive mum going though a highly emotional roller coaster ride. Keep up the good work and keep posting on here. This site has given me so much strength because it has shown me that I am not alone.

 

[emilysdad]

  to you both!

[lizzy]

Thankyou for your support. It is so helpful to know that their are other  people who understand what we are going through. In my job I send some time refering families to specialist support for their problems and supporting children and parents. I am having a hard time with this at the moment as I feel a sham. I sometimes sit in meetings listening to ill-informed, judgemental people making crass comments about families and children and want to scream at them! I don't because I need to keep my professional and personal life seperate, but sometimes it hurts and makes it even harder to cope with the emotional ride of supporting my wonderful daughter. Magic wand anyone??!!

[emilysdad]

Lizzy if there were one I would happily give it to you! I have met many so called experts during the 5 years of Ems problems, some were marginally OK, some were b***** brilliant and some were little short of nazis with all the ignorant arrogance that entails, just judge those you have to deal with on your daughters behalf and treat them accordingly - do not be afraid to challenge them! You are her parent and the person who cares about, and will fight for, her future most!

[lizzy]

Thanks Emily's dad. We are in a critical phase at the moment. Saw a psychiatrist last week who was very nice and seemed to have got some understanding of my daughter but didn't communicate well with her. so I've spent the weekend very worried about what she might do next to get people to take her seriously. I have explained that we are all listening and taking her seriously. Her usual counsellor was there as well and could see the effect his words had and so i was able to talk about things later on the phone. They are going to prescribe some medication and talking therapies later, an emergency appointment on Monday to discuss inpatient time for her. She wants this but I feel concerned about what this will be like for her?  What a muddle I am certainly familiar with the roller coaster of emotions some of you have mentioned. Not sure if i can go to work at the moment, I feel so churned up!

[lizzy]

So we're waiting to have a call from OUR CAHMS centre to tell us where to take our daughter to be an in patient. At an appointment yesterday she talked more about not feeling she could keep herself safe. The support worker and pshychiatrist felt she needed to be in an assessment unit. The only bed available is 3 hrs drive away and I am scared and feel like a failure as a Mum. I have tried so hard to help her all to no effect. I have been signed off work again and I'm worried about what they will say about that. I don't want her to go but I know it wounldn't be recommended of they didn't think it was needed. I feel as if my heart is breaking.

[emilysdad]

Lizzie, it is heart breaking to see your child in this situation and I am so sorry for you but try to remain strong, break down a little when you need to and keep being there for her - there really is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how long, keep posting here when you need to let it out!