I guess everything went downhill when I turned 10, my aunt and uncle had just got divorced so I felt crushed, then my dad had a stroke, I was terrified. My mum was screaming at me to get the phone but wouldn’t tell me what was wrong with my dad…..
After that things got worse, my “dad” would make comments at my weight, or the grades I got in school. He didn’t care that I started seeing a counsellor at school, or that I was skipping 2 days a week, and loads of classes on the days I actually turned up….
And the days I turned up to school, I just got bullied a lot, then abused by numerous boyfriends and friends I trusted. I avoided being raped twice, which was the final straw for me, at 14 I got depression and self harmed for the first time. I was once a happy smily girl, but she was gone and in her place was this shell that lived in a black hoodie, headphones to drown everyone out and eyeliner. I wanted the world to leave me alone. I’d cut my friends out of my life, they all desperately wanted the old me back but she was buried under a sea of hate, depression and self loathing….
When I turned 15, things just escalated quickly, my best friend had had a boyfriend for a year now, and both were coming to me for every little problem rather than talk to each other, I’d had enough, I didn’t bother going to school for a month, I just said I was ill with the flu……but when I came back they still came to me, so I took myself out of school again for 3 weeks, I came back even more depressed. I’d attempted suicide in those 3 weeks, I tried to choke myself with my tie :/ My best friend finally saw that by coming to me for every little problem, she made me leave school for a bit…. she stopped but everyone else started questioning me about my absences, so guess what, I disappeared again but only for 2 weeks (I was running out of sick excuses)
When I came back the counsellor wanted to see me, I’d missed my last 5 appointments with her, she knew something was wrong, I showed her my scars and she stopped seeing me - great the first person to reject helping me….I started getting back into my lessons after missing so much, but in one lesson I was stuck on a table with my ex boyfriend and his 2 mates (we ended so badly), when the teacher left the room, the 2 friends grabbed me, one held my arms, the other covered my mouth. My ex came up to me with a sinister look in his eyes, picked up a piece of fresh sand paper and went to town on my arm. The teacher came back and the friends said I’d had an accident on the belt sander, I just went along with it, I got my arm cleaned up and was sent home for 2 weeks (fantastic!!)….
I was 16 when I stopped self harming, I’d just left school and all those people behind. Now to college…. my dad recovered from his stroke and started being a dad again. I got into the college I wanted and was on the course I wanted as well…. I met my class mates, and started seeing a guy on my course. We broke up after he dumped me for a dare, my depression returned. I carved my arm up again….
I made some good friends in Dan and Paige, they both went out with people on our course so I was left alone, when my tutor pulled me out to ask if I was ok (the blood had come through my jacket) I broke down and told him everything…. he got me a counsellor who wouldn’t turn their back on me, I saw her everyday till I got to once a week. Then Dan broke up with his girlfriend and Paige split up with her boyfriend, so we all grew closer, I told them about my self harming…. they agreed to help me because I was there for them (finally I had true friends)
When I turned 17 things got better for me, my counsellor had left college tho so I was being moved to another one - great I had to make a new relationship…. I got into a abusive relationship, so I went back to the tool, this time I cut deeper…. Dan found me and helped me clean up and recover….
Christmas time, I was on winter break, I missed my friends and they were the only people who could help me, I downed a bottle on pills, Dan phoned me and talked me out of it, he convinced me to throw them up….
A month before I turned 18 (April) I was at rock bottom. 3 people close to me had died…. I’d been to 7 funerals by the time I reached 17. I was depressed, so I sliced my arm up, I caught a vein and bleed a lot. Dan’s current girlfriend found me this time, she helped me and continues to help me….
I felt like I was getting better after I turned 18, I’d been to a few parties and had fun. Then I lost someone else, and my best friend turned her back on me, I couldn’t take it anymore I emptied another bottle of pills….
Then I met Marina  I spoke to her until 2 in the morning, she talked me into throwing up my pills, I owe her everything I have. I love her to bits. We still talk now, she is my lifeline and I help her. We’ve both reached 100+ days self harm free…
edited out references to other website as per forum rules concerning links to graphic images and method sharing