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Here and Now Room / Re: Meds
« Last post by Tucan on Today at 08:21:14 AM »
I am going to Torquay, nowhere exciting but looking forward to it. I get to spend time with my sister's.
Here and Now Room / Re: Meds
« Last post by Popcorn on Today at 12:50:12 AM »
I understand and relate.

I'm haunted a lot with very dark thoughts and urges to do some of them.

I hate being doled up on meds and Having ooor mental health, it's like we are trapped between a rock and a stone. I don't know the answer, I'm supposed to be on a medication but took it only for one week cos I had extreme nausea, having to sit with a bowl all the time, I also felt distant from things but not the anxiety.

I was thinking of trying to restart it but really can't cope with the side effects but was lowest dose maybe it was cos the antibiotics at the time or my other meds for physical and mental health.

Here and Now Room / Re: Meds
« Last post by Tigger on Today at 12:46:46 AM »
Hi, i havent been on as life got a little overwhelming. So sorry about that. I hate that feeling when you come out feeling like you didn't actually talk about what you wanted  or needed to talk about. It does make you feel rubbish particularly if you have to wait a long time for another appointment.
Im sorry you feeling so hopeless right now but can you look forward to your holiday? Where are you going?

Sorry i can't manage more but thinking of you  :hug1:
Here and Now Room / Re: holiday stress *possibly triggering*
« Last post by Popcorn on Today at 12:44:58 AM »
I've been in a similar situation, my father actually found out as he saw a scar when I moved as my long sleeve
t-shirt raised up when I lifted my hands up for something and he suddenly turned around.
 He asked me, I covered it with it was my oven and baking tray b**nt me left a mark. Then I sat and thought, I've needed to tell you for years so you know the true me finally. So I did, His response was to blackmailed me, he said, if you carry on doing this it will kill me with a fatal heart attack and that in turn would kill your mother" " don't you ever dare tell your mother.  He even gave me a bit of money to buy long sleev tops and pj's for when I visited.

One time I was due to visit, they both knew I was on my way down the motorway, it got so extremely hot in my car I was wearing a vest too and was going to change at a service station. It got so hot I could barely cope with it, thought ifthey can't accept who I really am then they don't love me and can get outta my life, I phoned and gave him an ultimatum from the services I said" either I come down and because of extreme heat I will not be wearing long sleeve tops, you either except me as I am scars and all or you tell mum why I've turned around and gone home" went for a coffee phoned him back and he said he couldn't tell mum why I had gone half way there then turned around to go back home, I promised to break it slowly and wore a cardigan intitally, an I explained I was having support with it too, she took it well, better than I expected, I answered most of her questions but one got very personal but lucky dad walked in to lounge with tea and biscuits and I said it wasn't something I was prepared to answer then.

She accepted my self harm and the fact I was getting help did see the concern she had.

 So i did stop hiding it from my parents but no other realities seen it and I still go out in public long sleeves most the time but around some friends I take off my light- weight hoody, it was hard and I know he was very extremely happy I did tell mum. I saw a letter in my draw a few weeks ago to say this.

 I so do understand the difficult situation your in.

If your out there for a long holiday, can u get something express delivery online? Are you female? Kaftans work well, or light weight hoody, I know I got some thin ones from Asda last year.

Hope my suggestion helps

Thankyou  Tucan for your reply.

Yes he is a good friend, he's been my rock from soon after I lost dad to cancer, I've not dealt with that and have no counsellor.

It really hurts, I found out this evening his admission isn't down to infection. But the cancer. I need to see him before things really deteriorate and should he not have much longer I be destroyed even more if I don't see him.

He's got a scan tomorrow and will see from there what the Drs treatment  plan is.

It's all down to the PTSD causing me severe anxiety and panic attacks since an incident ( extremely abusive phone call someone my neighbour upstairs known and he would always be hanging around on neighbours driveway when neighbours working and always shouts stuff at me that's nasty and critical and harasses me, he used to cut my lawn in a very bad way and double charge what an excellent guy is charging now and current guy isn't abusive and rude and swearing in front of local very young children in the neighbourhood). I was petrified.

I'm so fearful that I'm going to be physically assaulted ( past rearing up again). I've experienced these episodes some 10 years ago to this extreme and people would give me weird looks when I would put my arms up to protect my head shouting and crying " don't hit me, please don't hit me ........"  if anyone was closer than about 5 metres , people I know could be a bit closer and those I really close to and trust could even hold my hand, but not most professionals".

I really think my panic attacks and know that it's related to the PTSD is a mental health issue and I desperately need support anyhow.

I'm not sure if I can demand support to get there to see him( from cmht), I know my anxiety and panic attacks has gone on many times and a long time and got worse, the cpn I had at the time, denied it was a mental health issue and failed to support me,  I explained the incident wasn't but my condition due to the incident was mental health. I've had the police trying to get me support up until the last month, they even out in a safe guarding report but to my knowledge jack sh** was done. The psychaitrist and head of cpns didn't even know this fact. When I raised it in an appointment they still did nothing.

I feel such a worthless piece of sh** and a useless friend right now, I've failed to support him for the last few weeks  due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I asked for help last week to get milk and bread from my cpn as the support worker went off sick the day I needed the fresh food and there was a big problem with getting my grocery delivery he said . No he's not a delivery person even when I mentioned my diabetes, it was my problem not his.

I want to make a handmade " thinking of you" card but I got no means of getting it posted in the Royal Mail.

Life is so difficult right now. It doesn't look it's not going to get any easier, I'm liaising with his next of kin whose hours away by car. The hospital will phone me if any deterioration

I'm not sure I can sit and cry in case he phones or his NOK or even ward phones me.

Haven't seen anyone for well over a week, 9 days. I'm really struggling as this is bringing up so much regarding my dad and other relatives and cancer. It hurts extremely badly it's all very raw.

I have no [email protected] idea of how I'm supposed to get to a psychaitrist appointment in July and the following day to the psychologist assessment part two appointment at the local community mental health team office. He would of took me.

Sorry to whinge
 Got no one to talk to
Here and Now Room / Re: holiday stress *possibly triggering*
« Last post by Incubus on Yesterday at 10:23:53 PM »
I wish there was a way we could talk more personally
Here and Now Room / Re: holiday stress *possibly triggering*
« Last post by Tucan on Yesterday at 09:40:03 PM »
That's a bummer then
Here and Now Room / Re: holiday stress *possibly triggering*
« Last post by jayri on Yesterday at 09:26:18 PM »
I've been looking but not much long sleeved light weight shirts out there
Here and Now Room / Re: Meds
« Last post by Tucan on Yesterday at 06:34:19 PM »
Sorry. I am having a hard time tonight with difficult thoughts. I have been taking my meds regularly again which is leaving me doped up, tired and struggling to concentrate. But I am mainly struggling with bad thoughts and thinking of acting on them (though I probably won't). I just feel so hopeless about the future. I feel like I will always be alone and lonely and struggling. I will either be doped up on medication or have rubbish mental health, neither s normal happy life.
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