PTSD struggles *trig SA*

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Thanks Tucan you're very kind. I'm just struggling with all these emotions that are too painful and confusing so i push them away and struggle to force myself through the day and then the week to my days off when i can just stay in bed but life is passing me by.

HoundDog the horse is the only thing keeping me going i would have no forward direction without him but i know i struggling when even riding doesn't break through the anxiety cause normally its the only time i can fully concentrate on what I'm doing and gives my mind a break but this last week it's not been working as well.

[Tucan]

I hope the meds start to work soon. I really do. What is your horse called? What is he/she like? Bless you. I understand that feeling of life passing you by. Its not a nice feeling. You are doing your best going to work and trying so hard. I know that it is incredibly difficult for you but you are still achieving things.

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I actually have 2 but they don't actually belong to me i get them as part off my job. My main horse is a big 17.2 bay chunky warmblood and i have another one who has problems that we are trying to work through and he is a 16.2 grey warmblood. Training them gives me a purpose and usually the rest of the world melts away when i get into it. I know I'm having a bad day when i can't concentrate to ride or i lack patience.

My sleep is terrible this week i emailed my psychologist to ask for anything else i could do and she said if it doesn't improve soon she will refer me to a psychiatrist to look at my meds. I think they might base started to work yesterday i feel less depressed just really tired.

[Tucan]

That is something if you are starting to feel better. Bless you. Your horses sound fab. I am not very good at horse riding I am going later on today.

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 Im sure you are good. I do this for a living so it is a bit different for me horses are my whole life. Normally i love it but it's just a struggle right now. I know for a fact i would have fallen apart without them. I always call it pony therapy.

Psychologist today, i haven't done my homework much this week so it will be harder but i look forward to actually being honest about how i think and feel rather than hiding it all the time.

[Tucan]

It is good when you can be honest. It feels good to be able to talk about all.the rubbish that is going on. I hope the pyschologist went ok for you.

Animals can take over your life. I hope it is something you are passionate about. I am happy that it helps you. There have been times when my job has helped me.

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Wow ADs are pretty awesome when they start working.  I dunno why i was so scared to take them. I feel almost like myself again, i hadn't realized deeply depressed i was and how ridiculously anxious i was until the worst of it was lifted for me. Thank god cause i couldn't of gone on like that much longer. Hopefully now i can work through my issues without drowning in them. 

[Rob]

I'm pleased to hear that you're feeling better on them - they can work wonders 

[Tucan]

That is fantastic news. I am so happy that you are feeling better

[Tigger]

Thanks guys. I've been away from the site because i do find it triggering but I'm back again. This thread can be kicked now though please.