Author Topic: Still Here & Fighting..  (Read 5145 times)

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Offline kathleen

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Still Here & Fighting..
« on: May 27, 2012, 08:21:03 PM »
 :trig: :trig: s/a

..First of all am sorry if this will turn into a epic post, its been quite a while since i,ve been on here, the last time i s/harmed was July 1st last year, apart from a few slips i,ve had no serious slips.
..After 2 & a half years i got my Counselling of which started in Feb, my first Counsellor was,nt a real "match" but the one i have now is fantastic...we are just going into the issue of s/a by my Brother...god its so so hard.

..I lost my main job at Xmas due the issue of my mental health (nothing at all to do with my abilty to clean (am a cleaner)..had been there 5yrs, my Counsellor & Cpn were digusted the way they treated me...after a few weeks rest i fought back & got myself another job, & i,d lost my Holiday to i,d booked, as i did,nt know if i,d get other employment...so i,ve booked myself another holiday for Sept, of which i can,t wait.

..How do others feel about revealing any s/h scars in this hot weather ?..now i had to clean my own Gp,s Surgery (i was covering for someone)..it left me feeling in a bad place you know, one of the horrible nurses who treated one of my s/h scars once was there, she neither said hello & said something to the receptionist about she,d just seen a patient with Mental Health issues...i felt so uncomfortable guys, all my notes would of been known..but anyhow i got on with my job as quick as i could so i could go..

..The past few days i,ve gone out in short sleeves, & while i still do try to hide them, i don,t see why i should be ashamed, i was s/a, emotionally abused by my Mum & elder Sister, been left to care for my twin whom i love to death...i work part time as a cleaner as well as coping with Epilepsy & poor eyesight.

..If i hide under full sleeves i think it,il look like am hiding something, its so hot cleaning in this heat...if i can put up with the stares should i just go bare armed ??...yes there not nice to look at (they have faded quite alot) but its not my fault i was abused in so many ways, my s/h stopped me from a mucher worse fate...i feel am comfortable with the scars now, there part of me & a reminder how far i,ve come..its other peoples reation, but thats there problem is,nt it ?

..If people really want to know why there there, should i just say "there from when i was poorly but am in a better place now" or just say "it,s private but if you honestly want to know, am not ashamed to tell you".

..So sorry for long thread, it,s just been a while since i,ve been on here, but am still here & still fighting...hope all you lovely Girls & Guys are well  xxxxxx

Offline kathleen

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Re: Still Here & Fighting..
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2012, 01:51:01 PM »
..I,d be so grateful for any replys, i still do find it a struggle, i was listening to oldies on the radio this morn, & they were playing Gary Numan from 1979..sort of took me back to that time, i was at senior school then & i was being abused my Brother.

..Sad memoarys, but even though the s/h will always be there, i think i have turned the corner, coz i know i have other means i can go for support.

..Hoping you are all well ....

Offline greenday

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Re: Still Here & Fighting..
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2012, 02:24:36 PM »
hay kathleen how r u i just read your post and i think your doing realy well kepp up the good work  :1059:

Offline kathleen

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Re: Still Here & Fighting..
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2012, 10:06:17 PM »
Thank you very much for your kind reply..hope your ok too.

Offline greenday

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Re: Still Here & Fighting..
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2012, 08:48:39 AM »
thanks ya im doing well how r u today  :hug2:

Offline hidden tears

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Re: Still Here & Fighting..
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2012, 11:24:16 AM »
Hi,

Sorry, I thought I had replied to this thread.....well I did write a reply on my phone, but it clearly didn't actually post, so I'll try again.

I'm glad your still here and still fighting, and it sounds like your doing amazingly well considering everything you have been through, so keep fighting hun  ;D

As for revealing scars, as long as there aren't any recent cuts, then I don't see a problem with it at all.

A few years ago now I made the difficult decision to accept a job with short sleeved uniform, the other option being to give up on my dream. I'm not proud of my scars, far from it (in fact I hate them) but I'm so glad that I didn't let my scars and my past destroy my dream. My scars are a part of me whether I like it or not, but they dont have to determine who I am or what I can do. I've worked in short sleeves ever since and very few people have commented and most have just been completely oblivious and innocently curious!  ::)

You deserve to wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Sh was a way of coping, and like you say things could have been much worse. It might not be the best coping mechanism but you dont have to be ashamed of it, you did your best to cope through a difficult time and that is something to be proud of. I think starting to wear short sleeves, especially when you haven't shed for a long time like you, is a way of starting to put the sh behind you and moving on?
If anyone has a problem.....thats their problem, not yours. We live in a free country and within reason you can do what you like  :hug1:
As for what to say to people.....either of those options are ok. Its just whatever you feel comfortable with. That's one thing Im not very good at. I usually end up  :blushing: mumbling how it happened a long time ago and trying to move the topic on/walk away.
*I lock away the pain and put away my fears, show you only my smiles and not my hidden tears *

*I like walking in the rain because no one knows Im crying*

Behind the mask....a silent scream....a hidden tear